In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte (PG-13)

[deelaundry]

I wroted this for Jane, but you can see it too. Guess which three words are on the 100 Words Every Word Lover Should Know list. Guess whether I had to look up the meanings, or already knew them.

Guess what restaurant House and Wilson are in. That's right... Olive Garden! (Inside joke, sorry.)

Also, dialogue-only with four people is, um, onerous, so I labelled. Call me a cheater.

Title: In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte
Rating: PG-13 for use of the word "penis"
Words: 336
Summary/Notes: See title. Dialogue-only Set in early to mid Season Six, aka, a future fic but no spoilers for any episode past Season Three.

Wilson: Cameron! Chase! Didn't expect to see you here.

Chase: Um, well, yes...

Wilson: Yes?

Cameron: House said if we came by tonight we'd get to see who this mystery woman is you've been dating.

Wilson: Mystery woman, hm?

House: I didn't say "woman."

Cameron: So, is she here?

Wilson: Is "she" here, House?

House: I didn't say "she"... and I didn't think they'd be this dense. Hey, guys, did you know Wilson's learning to play the flute?

Chase: The flute?

House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

House: You're mean.

Wilson: You're obscure.

House: You're a troglodyte.

Wilson: If me Tarzan, that means you Jane.

House: Tarzan wasn't a troglodyte. He lived in a tree, not a cave.

Wilson: "Cave dweller" is only the literal translation of the word. The metaphorical definition as anyone who is primitive and brutish is well-established by --

Chase: Wait a minute. By flute, you mean, "skin flute"?

House: A-yuh.

Chase: I did not need to know that.

Cameron: What are you three talking about? Flutes, instruments...

Chase: "Skin flute"? You've never heard of "playing the skin flute"?

Cameron: No, I have never heard that term. Is it like the jaw harp?

Wilson: That's "Jews' harp."

House: You'd know.

Wilson: Yes, I would, and so would you.

Cameron: Some people call it a jaw harp.

Chase: Now, I have no idea what that is, but I do know skin flute.

Cameron: What's a skin flute?

Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?

Cameron: The fights haven't been about me being married before, they've been about --

House: PENIS.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Wilson: That's what "skin flute" means.

Chase: And playing the skin flute is --

Cameron: Oh God. And Wilson is... Ew.

House: Ew? You've never played the Australian piccolo? Chase, you are not a lucky man.

Cameron: I've done it, but... Ew.

Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting.

House: You're the troglodyte who started the whole "piccolo" thing.

Wilson: I was being facetious. Can we compromise on "clarinet"?

House: Why clarinet?

Wilson: Everyone knows when blowing on the clarinet the most important thing is to be careful where you put your teeth.

House: Ooh, yes.

Chase: God, yes.

Cameron: I'm going home.

Comments

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

yesyesyesyesyes. *still giggling, especially at the last bit*

also! the bit where house shouts "PENIS." is a) hysterical 2) when i started laughing first and iii) very, very House.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee! House would be the one to shout "penis" in a crowded theater, wouldn't he? Thanks!

[lana-ftw.livejournal.com]

Hahahhahaha, awesome.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

... I lol'd.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Wilson knows how to get in some shots. :D Thanks.

[xaipw.livejournal.com]

Oh god, this is sooo funny.

Dee, your dialogue only fic is like delicious, delicious candy.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee hee. Thanks!

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

LOLZ

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

TY!

[layne67.livejournal.com]

LOLOL

Hee, googled up and learnt quite a few new words there! :))

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee - thanks!

[purridot.livejournal.com]

Hee! I've heard of courtesans who were also trained as "flute players" and I always wondered if that was a euphemism, or if I just had a dirty (rather than musical) mind.

Your stories make me like Cameron. I don't want to like Cameron!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I think it might be both a euphemism and literal. : )

Cameron has been pretty awesome in Season Five. She's not any more "together" than anyone else, but (therefore?) she's pretty cool.

[vitawash24.livejournal.com]

LOL! I love it! :D It's like Friday brain tonic.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks. So glad you liked it.

At first, Cameron and Chase were going to be "straight men" for the House/Wilson reveal, but they asserted their own personalities and relationship, to my delight. :D

[lady-dizzy.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great fanfic, I giggled the whole time. Especially this line "Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting." is hilarious.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! (That line is one of the ones I find the funniest, too.)

[lolainez.livejournal.com]

I used to know a guy who would say his girlfriend was going to be playing the Slobber Blues on his meat flute.

Very funny story! I love your fics!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Heh, heh. Thanks so much!

[foxyzz.livejournal.com]

LOL !! Very, very funny ! I love the end xD

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Watching the teeth is very important! And then Cameron is just over the conversation. :D Thanks.

[rockinrach08.livejournal.com]

Haha, very funny!

House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

Made me laugh!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Wilson gets in his little (joking!) jabs now and then. Hee!

Thanks.

[cosmotastic.livejournal.com]

Lmao, loved it.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[heledren.livejournal.com]

Oh, well done! They're just all so hilariously IC. :D

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?

That line cracked me up. The whole thing was funny, but that cracked me up for some reason :)

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I need a Chase/Cameron icon. They are such a fun couple. : ) Thanks!

[jihime47.livejournal.com]

This, my dear, is epic. Now I need a towel, there's tea spilled all over my desk.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the tea, but I'm very glad you enjoyed. : ) Thanks.

[tjballer.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, this was fantastic.

...And I had just finished practicing my clarinet today. I was literally holding onto it as I was checking out entries and I just happened to read this. :P

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Heh. Friend of mine in high school played clarinet and her mom was always complaining that she chewed on the instrument too much. :D Thanks!

[in-a-crater.livejournal.com]

I'm glad House shares my immaturity. Yelling 'PENIS' in public places is a favourite pastime of mine. This was hilarious! I loved the 'Australian piccolo' line. It makes it sound like a type of wild boar.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Peccary (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peccary) is a mammal that looks like a wild boar. Hee.

Thanks!

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

Cameron doesn't know what skin flute means? we used to say that in junior high!
priceless. hehe

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee. I guess at her junior high they used different slang. "Dingle," "wang," "one-eyed snake"...

Hee. Thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

How can your mother not like it? It has Vocabulary Words in it! :D Thanks!

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

HEEHEEHEEEHEEE!!!
That was too funny!!!
Boy that Cameron is dense!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Aw, Cameron's not too dense. She (and Chase) thought Wilson had started dating a woman, and then she hadn't heard "skin flute" before so she just had no context.

And... she didn't see Wilson doing the blowjob shot at that one party, so she doesn't know how sexy he looks with his mouth occupied that way! ♥

Thanks.

[sara-tsuzuki.livejournal.com]

XDDDDDDD Australian piccolo, skin flute, etc....I learn so much in a funny way. Thanks so much!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks!

[jiraiyasgirl.livejournal.com]

The clarinet?!?! HAHAHAHA The skin-flute thing had me rolling!! Great job!!!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

[hibernia1.livejournal.com]

This whole story is bliss! Thanks for sharing!

And also this reminds me I have to get my act together and write that fic with those 100 words in it!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm eager to see your story!!

[daisylily.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA XD

Yay at House shouting PENIS (and I'm surprised Cameron hasn't come across 'skin flute' before (and the pun was unintentional but it's funny, so I've left it)) and also at Wilson's "I'd say piccolo."

I guess troglodyte, didgeridoo and hmmmm, metaphorical? I'd guess you had to look up didgeridoo (because I don't think you know Rolf Harris in the US - he's an Aussie living in the UK, who is famous for (among other things) playing the didgeridoo. And now you'll tell me I'm wrong anyway XD )

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

"Penis" is a funny word. :D

You got two out of three. Troglodyte and didgeridoo, plus facetious. I knew all three. I think a number of people in the US know about "didgeridoo" because it's such a fun word to say, so it sticks in your mind even if you've only heard it once. XD

Thanks!

[anotherfngrl.livejournal.com]

LOVE this. It's adorable.

I love the line:
Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting.

And I LOL'd for real when House yelled Penis. That was so House.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Wilson's not so happy with Cameron "ew"ing at the thought of him. Hee.