In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte (PG-13)

[deelaundry]

I wroted this for Jane, but you can see it too. Guess which three words are on the 100 Words Every Word Lover Should Know list. Guess whether I had to look up the meanings, or already knew them.

Guess what restaurant House and Wilson are in. That's right... Olive Garden! (Inside joke, sorry.)

Also, dialogue-only with four people is, um, onerous, so I labelled. Call me a cheater.

Title: In Which Wilson Is, by Some Definitions, a Troglodyte
Rating: PG-13 for use of the word "penis"
Words: 336
Summary/Notes: See title. Dialogue-only Set in early to mid Season Six, aka, a future fic but no spoilers for any episode past Season Three.

Wilson: Cameron! Chase! Didn't expect to see you here.

Chase: Um, well, yes...

Wilson: Yes?

Cameron: House said if we came by tonight we'd get to see who this mystery woman is you've been dating.

Wilson: Mystery woman, hm?

House: I didn't say "woman."

Cameron: So, is she here?

Wilson: Is "she" here, House?

House: I didn't say "she"... and I didn't think they'd be this dense. Hey, guys, did you know Wilson's learning to play the flute?

Chase: The flute?

House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

House: You're mean.

Wilson: You're obscure.

House: You're a troglodyte.

Wilson: If me Tarzan, that means you Jane.

House: Tarzan wasn't a troglodyte. He lived in a tree, not a cave.

Wilson: "Cave dweller" is only the literal translation of the word. The metaphorical definition as anyone who is primitive and brutish is well-established by --

Chase: Wait a minute. By flute, you mean, "skin flute"?

House: A-yuh.

Chase: I did not need to know that.

Cameron: What are you three talking about? Flutes, instruments...

Chase: "Skin flute"? You've never heard of "playing the skin flute"?

Cameron: No, I have never heard that term. Is it like the jaw harp?

Wilson: That's "Jews' harp."

House: You'd know.

Wilson: Yes, I would, and so would you.

Cameron: Some people call it a jaw harp.

Chase: Now, I have no idea what that is, but I do know skin flute.

Cameron: What's a skin flute?

Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?

Cameron: The fights haven't been about me being married before, they've been about --

House: PENIS.

Cameron: Excuse me?

Wilson: That's what "skin flute" means.

Chase: And playing the skin flute is --

Cameron: Oh God. And Wilson is... Ew.

House: Ew? You've never played the Australian piccolo? Chase, you are not a lucky man.

Cameron: I've done it, but... Ew.

Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting.

House: You're the troglodyte who started the whole "piccolo" thing.

Wilson: I was being facetious. Can we compromise on "clarinet"?

House: Why clarinet?

Wilson: Everyone knows when blowing on the clarinet the most important thing is to be careful where you put your teeth.

House: Ooh, yes.

Chase: God, yes.

Cameron: I'm going home.

Comments

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

yesyesyesyesyes. *still giggling, especially at the last bit*

also! the bit where house shouts "PENIS." is a) hysterical 2) when i started laughing first and iii) very, very House.

[lana-ftw.livejournal.com]

Hahahhahaha, awesome.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

... I lol'd.

[xaipw.livejournal.com]

Oh god, this is sooo funny.

Dee, your dialogue only fic is like delicious, delicious candy.

[triedunture.livejournal.com]

LOLZ

[layne67.livejournal.com]

LOLOL

Hee, googled up and learnt quite a few new words there! :))

[purridot.livejournal.com]

Hee! I've heard of courtesans who were also trained as "flute players" and I always wondered if that was a euphemism, or if I just had a dirty (rather than musical) mind.

Your stories make me like Cameron. I don't want to like Cameron!

[vitawash24.livejournal.com]

LOL! I love it! :D It's like Friday brain tonic.

[lady-dizzy.livejournal.com]

LOL! Great fanfic, I giggled the whole time. Especially this line "Wilson: I've started to find this conversation very insulting." is hilarious.

[lolainez.livejournal.com]

I used to know a guy who would say his girlfriend was going to be playing the Slobber Blues on his meat flute.

Very funny story! I love your fics!

[foxyzz.livejournal.com]

LOL !! Very, very funny ! I love the end xD

[rockinrach08.livejournal.com]

Haha, very funny!

House: Actually, it's more of a didgeridoo.

Wilson: I'd say piccolo.

Made me laugh!

[cosmotastic.livejournal.com]

Lmao, loved it.

[heledren.livejournal.com]

Oh, well done! They're just all so hilariously IC. :D

[rathanylakan.livejournal.com]

Chase: Weren't you married before? Haven't we had fights about you being married before?

That line cracked me up. The whole thing was funny, but that cracked me up for some reason :)

[jihime47.livejournal.com]

This, my dear, is epic. Now I need a towel, there's tea spilled all over my desk.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee! House would be the one to shout "penis" in a crowded theater, wouldn't he? Thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Wilson knows how to get in some shots. :D Thanks.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee hee. Thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

TY!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee - thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I think it might be both a euphemism and literal. : )

Cameron has been pretty awesome in Season Five. She's not any more "together" than anyone else, but (therefore?) she's pretty cool.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks. So glad you liked it.

At first, Cameron and Chase were going to be "straight men" for the House/Wilson reveal, but they asserted their own personalities and relationship, to my delight. :D

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! (That line is one of the ones I find the funniest, too.)

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Heh, heh. Thanks so much!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Watching the teeth is very important! And then Cameron is just over the conversation. :D Thanks.