(no subject)

[deelaundry]

Did you hear this news story?

Four men lured a woman to a motel room under false pretenses and proceeded to tie her up. One of the men punched her in the face and poured glue on her genitalia as punishment for alleged sexual infidelity.





Oh, no wait, that was Four women lured a man, etc.

My own reaction to this story has weirded me out.

Comments

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Hm. The infidelity doesn't sound very "alleged" to me, since apparently the only way all these women knew one another was because they'd all been involved with him.

I don't know. If it was unfounded jealousy I'd think these women were freaks, but if he was telling all of them they were his one and only? I just don't have much sympathy for him.

And that weirds me out a bit, too, because if it were reversed and the lying cheating scoundrel were female, I'd feel differently; perhaps because of the entrenched male/female power imbalance in our culture?

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

I am somewhere between amused and horrified. Horrified, of course, because hello, assault. Amused, because--4 women? One of whom was his wife. Did he really expect to continue the charade forever? (And I know, that's a bad reaction to have.)

Edited to say: and yes, if the genders were reversed, it'd be appalling. (Though I'd think if it were a woman, she'd probably be murdered if not horribly brutalized.) Maybe it's the thought of the payback--of emasculating the man, taking away that power he has, that seemed--justifiable to these women?

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Why? What was your reaction? Somehow it does sound much, much worse if the genders are reversed.

My thought was that a better revenge would have been for the women to tell the guy's wife and provide any documentary evidence they might have had.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

But the wife was one of the women involved in the assault. Which--yeah.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

*smiles*

My bad. I meant if the women had told the wife and then not participated any further, leaving the wife to confront her straying husband by herself.

I'd be very interested in knowing who came up with this scheme -- if it was the wife or one of the other women, and the wife went along with it.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

I meant if the women had told the wife and then not participated any further, leaving the wife to confront her straying husband by herself.

That would have been the mature way to deal with it. If he'd cheated on all of them at once, maybe they thought gluing his penis would be the only way he'd learn. It's humiliating enough to know your husband's cheated, but with 3 other women, I'd imagine that humiliation would be multiplied? I really don't know.

[hry2007.livejournal.com]

I thought I had crazy exes...

In all seriousness, that's really weird and messed up. Still, my first thought was, if the genders were reversed, it would've been more violent, and wouldn't have been deemed very newsworthy.

[savemoony.livejournal.com]

*blinks*

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

When I read the first part of the post I was horrified. Because what stood out for me was the ALLEGED sexual infidelity. I thought it was going to be a story from some foreign country that treats woman as second class citizens. Like that woman that was (i think) killed because her husband wanted a divorce so he accused her of some horrible stuff. Her kids were taken away and everything. I don't remember the whole story but I think she was stoned to death.

Then I read the article. It was extreme! But there was no ALLEGED sexual infidelity, all the girlfriends and wife were there. She should have just gathered all the info and took him to the cleaners. Unless of course he had nothing, in which case gluing his genitals to his stomach is all the satisfaction she will get out of it.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

My reaction was to find it amusing and to feel the victim got what he deserved.

And I am weirded out by that. There is no way I would accept an identical attack by men on a woman. No way. So why wasn't I appalled by this attack by women? Is it because women's anger is somehow "cute"? I'm disturbed by this.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I said "alleged" because it's not proven in a court of law that he cheated. The women could have made up the story -- just like the article you read about a person in another country.

I think the right response to this kind of attack is to be horrified and appalled. But when it was a man attacked by women, I wasn't appalled or horrified, and I am disturbed by that.

None of this is to say that I think it's OK to cheat on your spouse. It's not, and you're absolutely right that a cheating spouse ought to pay heavily in divorce court. But not be kidnapped and punched.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I wrote "alleged" because the women could be making up their story. I assume they aren't... but they could be.

that weirds me out a bit, too, because if it were reversed and the lying cheating scoundrel were female, I'd feel differently; perhaps because of the entrenched male/female power imbalance in our culture?

That was exactly what was weirding me out about my response. Is it because I'm perceiving women's anger as somehow less potent than men's? That's not accurate... and not fair.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Setting aside the attack itself, yes, he was pretty dumb to think he could get away indefinitely with dating three women in addition to his wife. Who has the time and energy to do that, and hide it?

On the attack itself, I'm just trying to think through my own reaction. Why does it seem less harmful that women attacked a man, than it would if men attacked a woman? Is it because men are physically stronger than women? Even though that's true on the average, it doesn't necessarily hold true in this case. Is it because I assume the man knew the women would stop when they did? Why do I assume that?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I think a four-on-one kidnapping and attack is always considered newsworthy -- assuming it happens in the US. Other countries, the US media is not so concerned about.

On first read, I found the story almost cute. And then I was immediately grossed out by myself. Why in the world would I find these women's anger cute?

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

You're right, they could have been making it up, I didn't think of that. Like I said it was extreme what they did. They had to of known they wouldn't get away with it! I was a bit disturbed by it, but the first thing I thought of was at least he wasn't married to a Lorraina Bobbit. I think we have been desensitized to the violence so nothing shocks us now.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Oops, I meant to say "just like in the article" above there. Hope you didn't think I was questioning whether the article was real or not!

Oh, Lorena Bobbitt; I had forgotten about her. She was certainly extreme!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

It's weird!

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Been thinking about this and I've concluded that my response is influenced by a number of things.

First of all, the (yes, probably wrong) idea that men are physically and mentally more capable of handling this sort of thing, with less trauma. This includes the fact that removing glue from male (external) genitalia has got to be a less painful and invasive process than removing it from the female anatomy, so the glue seems less horrible a fate.

Second, a man in this situation would, I think, have a reasonable expectation that he would live to tell the tale. A woman would have a reasonable expectation that she was about to die. Thus, the level of emotional trauma as I perceive it is very, VERY different.

And maybe I'm wrong about that, but. There it is.

ETA that what bugged me about it was the worry that I might have been amused because I don't feel that men deserve the same level of basic respect as women. I'm still not sure why I seem to feel that a male philanderer deserves worse punishment than a female one.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

I think perhaps part of the reason is that we see stories of male attacks on women in the name of "honor" and "retribution" and "revenge" almost every day -- men gang-raping women, whipping and beating them, throwing acid in their faces, and it's almost always for some perceived transgression against their sexual place in society. This guy slept around (allegedly), lied to and presumably left all four women humiliated, and was punished for it.

It was wrong -- obviously people aren't supposed to kidnap and assault other people, and actually, having an affair isn't a criminal offense, but I don't think your reaction was out of line. People feel what they feel.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's the level of violence involved; men tend to exact revenge through physical violence, while women tend to exact revenge through emotional violence in these cases. In our culture it's OK to laugh at humiliation but not at humiliation plus physical injury.

[magie-05.livejournal.com]

Yipes. That creeps me out either way really, although the first part of this post does sound more like something you'd hear about happening in Islamabad or someplace. But idk, the idea of ganging up on anyone like that freaks me out. I mean, FOUR people had to agree to go along with this, and no one thought that maybe this kind of assault was just a little wrong? Just wow.

[savemoony.livejournal.com]

I know! Like, really? And hello, I'm alive. How are you?

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

Not at all, it just made me think that, yeah, they could be lying.
Lorena Bobbitt....I remembered I had a little song that might be helpful to the people here who might have forgotten who she was...


THE BALLAD OF THE BOBBIT HILLBILLIES
(sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Here's a little story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
She lopped off his schlong with a swipe of a knife
(penis, that is)
(rodeoed, fillet-iced)

Well, the next thing you know, there's a Ginsu by his side
And Lorena's in the car takin' willie for a ride
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend
(curve, that is)
(pricker shrubs, weel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air
(found, that is)
(by the fence, evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick-dock said, "Hey, I can fix your dong,"
"A needle and a thread is just the thing you're gonna need"
Then the whole world held its breath 'til they heard that he had peed
(whizzed, that is)
(stitched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault, and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't get on tape
(video, that is)
(unexposed, case closed)

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

actually, someone did get it on tape. there's a John Wayne Bobbit porno. (And no, it's not called "Forrest Stump"!)
A lot of porn stars were offended by the fact that it was made.

[skull-bearer.livejournal.com]

Because glue on the penis is nowehre near as bad as glue in the vagina. Ow, ow, ow. Do not want.