MST: Hot in Here (So Hot)

[deelaundry]

This fic is supposed to be humorous. And it did make me laugh. Just perhaps not in the way that was intended.  Fic and MST are both about PG-13 level.  One f-word, references to drug use.

 

A few stats on the fic:

Type: Songfic

Words: 1014

Words that are part of the “plot,” not the song: 452 (45%)

Number of commas (other than in the lyrics, which I assume were directly copied from a site): One

 

House: Oh, Wilsie!

Wilson: *sneezing, coughing, snorfling* House, I’m sick; go away.

House: I brought you something special. You like musicals, right?

Wilson: Yes. Oklahoma, Music Man, West Side Story, that sort of thing.

House: Exactly. Except this is us being musical!

Wilson: *groans*

 

“Hey we’re here let’s party” House started.

 

Wilson: Seven words in and we’re missing two commas and a semi-colon.

House: OK. One, you’re not Foreman. Or Cuddy, no matter how many times you try to grow a rack like hers.

Wilson: HEY! *hacking cough*

House: And two, there’s only one comma in the entire fic, so you might as well give up right now.

 

“Can we just sit for a bit first we only just got here” Cameron pleaded.

 

“C’mon it’s boring, what are you going to do powder your nose every thirty minutes” Chase mocked.

 

House: That is probably the worst mock I’ve ever seen.

Wilson: *sneezes* Except that one Cameron wore after the meth sex.

House: She really looked like a skank that morning, didn’t she?

Wilson: *laughs*

House: She was hot in the red dress she wore to the poker night, though.

Wilson: *pouts*

 

“Really?” Cuddy interrupted.

 

“Hey Cuddles” House greeted.

 

Wilson: *blows nose* The sentence structure’s getting a little monotonous.

House: What are you going to do, powder your nose every thirty minutes?

Wilson: *coughs repeatedly*

 

“Nice Low cut top”

 

“I have a reason to wear it tonight” Cuddy counter stated.

 

Wilson: “Counter stated”?

House: Wonder what her reason is? Wouldn’t have anything to do with me, would it?

Wilson: *pouts* *sneezes*

 

“Let’s party” House stated once more. Then limped over to the Dj and requested a song.

 

“Please don’t tell me” Cuddy started.

 

“He’s gonna make us do something we’re all going to regret” Wilson assured.

 

Soon Nelly’s Hot In Here filled the club.

 

“This is for the a couple doctors from the PPTH get up here” The dj announced.

 

Wilson: “The a couple doctors”?

House: “From the PPTH.”

Wilson: Why are we all in a club together in the first place? You’re more of a sports bar, pool and darts guy.

House: And you’re more of an Arthur Murray, dancing with the geezers guy.

Wilson: I am not! That was for dancing lessons because I was getting married!

House: You’re perpetually getting married, so you’re perpetually an Arthur Murray guy.

Wilson: *pouts* *coughs pitifully*

 

“Oh Dear God” Cameron stated.

 

Everyone but Cuddy and Cameron took off.

 

House: Left the bad!fic? That’s a great idea.

Wilson: *sneezes* You brought it over; you have to suffer through it.

 

“I’m not going” Cuddy stood in the same spot with her arms crossed. House and Wilson sighed.

 

“Oh C’mon Cuddles is it to Hot in here’ House laughed.

 

“What! No” She spoke irritatingly.

 

Wilson: Was Cuddy irritating or irritated?

House: Oh, she can definitely be both at the same time. I’ve got the whip scars to prove it.

 

“C’mon” He spoke again.

 

“No” She tried convincing them. House and Wilson just sighed and each grabbed one of Cuddy’s arms.

 

“Let me go”. Both doctors dragged her out to the floor.

 

Wilson: *sneezes* Smooth move, harassing the boss. This is getting boring, House.

House: “Getting” boring? But just you wait…

 

“C’mon Cameron” Chase tried pleading almost.

 

“No” She crossed her arms.

 

Chase laughed then picked Cameron up and walked her out to the floor.

 

“Damn you” She growled.

 

“Go House” Foreman shouted.

 

House:I was like, good gracious ass is bodacious, flirtatcious, tryin to show patience. Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam (you know)
Waitin for the right time to flash them keys
Then um I'm leavin, please believin
Oh, Me and the rest of my heathens
Check it, got it locked at the top of the four seasons
Penthouse, roof top, birds are feedin

 

Wilson: *laughs*

House: *laughs*

Wilson: *laughs uproariously*

House: *starts to get annoyed*

Wilson: *laughs himself into a coughing fit*

House: *refuses to hand over water*

 

The Crowd in the club cheered. Cameron and Cuddy stood in disgust. Cameron shrugged and started to dance. Chase came up behind her and started to dance beside her. Cuddy sighed and started to dance. House went up and danced beside her.

 

Wilson: *recovers* Once again, I appreciate the artistry of this author’s prose. It fairly leaps off the page.

House: *still a little miffed, drinks Wilson’s water*

Wilson: And look, House, you’re dancing!

 

Foreman: No deceivin, nothin up my sleeve and, no teasin
I need you to get up up on the dance floor
Give that man what he askin for (oh)

 

Cuz I feel like bustin loose and I feel like touchin you (ah, ah)
And cant nobody stop the juice so baby tell me whats the use

 

Foreman: Sing It Chase

 

Wilson: Is everybody going to sing? *sneezes* I’m not going to sing, am I?

House: Just you wait.

Chase:
(I said)
Its gettin hot in here (so hot)
So take off all your clothes

 

Cameron:
I am gettin So hot, I wanna take my clothes off

 

Chase/House: Oh Let it hang all out

 

Wilson: She hasn’t got much to “hang out.”

House: Not nearly as much as you.

Wilson: *can’t decide whether to feel offended or pleased*

 

Cameron:Chase/House:

 

Wilson: *blows nose* I don’t get that. Did Cameron say “Chase/House”?

House: Let’s just move on…

 

Wilson: Why you at the bar if you aint poppin the bottles
What good is all the fame if you aint fuckin the models
I see you drivin, sportscar, aint hittin the throttle
And I be down, and do a hundred, top down and goggles

 

Wilson: Oh, dear God, I am singing. Make it stop!

House: You’re actually kind of rapping.

Wilson: *huge coughing fit*

 

House:Nicely Done Jimmy My Man

 

Wilson: You gave me a compliment! *beams*

House: *hits Wilson with cane* That was fic!me.

Wilson: *rubs shin, continues to beam*

 

Foreman:House you aren’t gangster anyways…

 

Foreman: Get off the freeway, exit 106 and parked it
Ash tray, think its time to spark it,
Gucci collar for dollar, got out and walked it
I spit game cuz baby I cant talk it

 

Wilson: Reading a song is not really as interesting as hearing it.

House: We could always act it out.

Wilson: My throat hurts too much to torch up a doobie.

House: “Torch up a doobie”? That what your buddies at Arthur Murray call it?

Wilson: Shut up and go get the brownies in the blue container next to the stove.

House: Yes, sir!

Wilson: And some orange juice! *sneezes*

 

House: Warm, sweatin its hot up in this joint
VOKAL tanktop, on at this point

 

Chase: Your with a winner so baby you cant loose
I got secrets cant leave Cancun
So take it off like your home alone
You know dance in front your mirror while your on the phone

 

Foreman: Checkin your reflection and tellin your best friend,
like "girl I think my butt gettin big"

 

House: Oh, these brownies are decadent. Not too many for you, though. Foreman’s singing some cautionary lyrics right there.

Wilson: They’re my brownies, you know. I could take them all away from you.

House: Try it.

Wilson: *reaches*

Wrestling match: *ensues*

Brownie crumbs: *fly everywhere*

Lips: *chase after crumbs and if they happen to make contact with, say, other body parts, well…*

 

Everyone Laughed “Nice enthusiasm” Chase laughed.

 

Foreman/House/Chase:let it hang all out Mix a little bit

 

Foreman/House/Chase:

 

Wilson: *growls angrily*

House: *snickers*

 

Cameron/Cuddy:ah, ah

 

Foreman/Chase: With a little bit

 

Cameron: a ah, ah

 

House: let it just fall out

 

 

Wilson: *obeying lyrics*

 

Wilson: Give a little bit

 

Cuddy: a ah, ah

 

House: *obeying lyrics*

 

Wilson: With a little bit

 

Cameron/Cuddy: a ah, ah

 

Foreman: let it hang all out

 

Chase: With a little bit

 

Cameron: a ah, ah

 

House: And a sprinkle a that

 

Cuddy: ah, ah

 

House: Good thing they put all the “ah, ah”s in. Otherwise, I’d be totally lost.

Wilson: Ah, ah.

House: Mmmmmm.

 

Foreman: let it just fall out

 

Chase: I like it when ya

 

Cameron: ah, ah

 

Chase: Girl, Baby make it

 

Cuddy/Cameron: ah, ah

 

“Go Foreman!” Cameron Shouted.

 

Foreman:
Stop pacin, time wastin
I gotta a friend with a fold in the basement

 

Wilson: (What?)
Foreman: I'm just kiddin like Jason

 

Wilson: (Oh)

 

Wilson: I wasn’t kidding. I don’t get that lyric.

House: *still licking up brownie crumbs*

 

House: Unless you gon' do it
Extra, extra eh, spread the news check it

 

Wilson: took a trip from the Lou to Neptunes
Came back with somethin thicker than fittin in sasoons

 

Wilson: That lyric I don’t get either.

House: Of course not, Bing Crosby.

Wilson: What are you trying to say?

House: You’ve got some brownie on your lips. Mmm.

 

Foreman: Say she like to think about cuttin in restrooms

 

Stacy entered and ran up to the dance floor.

 

House: I didn’t realize there was a girl named Stacy in this song.

Wilson: Formatting error. Do you have a brownie in your jeans?

House: I’m just happy to see you.

 

Stacy: Room for one More

 

Foreman: Hey Stacy

 

Everyone Else:Let’s partay

 

House: “Partay” – apparently, we’re all Homer Simpson now.

Chase/House: let it hang all out)
Foreman: Mix a little bit of

 

Cameron/Cuddy: ah, ah
Chase: With a little bit of

 

Stacy: ah, ah
House: let it just fall all out
Wilson: Give a little bit of

 

Stacy/Cuddy/Cameron: ah, ah
Foreman: With a little bit of

 

Stacy/Cameron: ah, ah

 

“The Doctors Are Getting Hot In Here” The Dj Announced.

 

Wilson: Did he post it on a sign? Because otherwise, I don’t see why all the words are capitalized.

House: My head’s feeling a little light.

Wilson: Of course.

House: You put pot in the brownies?

Wilson: No! Hash. Good stuff.

 

The Crowd Cheered

 

Chase: let it hang all out
House: With a little bit of

 

Cuddy/Cameron: ah, ah
Foreman: And a sprinkle of that

 

Wilson: Please tell me this fic is over soon.

House: Hm, what?

 

Cameron: ah, ah

 

Wilson: let it just fall all out
House/Wilson: I like it when ya

 

Wilson: *smiling* House/Wilson. It’s just always nice to see.

House: *pressing into Wilson’s side, head on Wilson’s chest* Well, if you’re going to look at it that way, there was also the “Stacy/Cuddy/Cameron” up there. That’d be nice to see.

Wilson: *contemplates; admits to self that House is right; hugs House closer*

 

Stacy/Cuddy: ah, ah
Chase: Girl, Baby make it

 

Cameron: ah, ah
Everyone: Oh

 

The Crowd Cheered. Cameron turned and slapped Chase.

 

House laughed and was then slapped by Cuddy.

 

House: Hey! Violence hurts!

Wilson: You let Cuddy whip you. *sneezes*

House: That’s a different thing entirely. *wipes hair off*

 

“That’s for forcing us out here” Cameron laughed.

 

Then they pulled into a hug laughing.

 

Wilson: Who pulled into a hug?

House: This thing’s almost over; don’t drag it out.

Wilson: *raises eyebrow*

House: *rolls eyes* Yes, yes, when this is over, there’s something else I’ll let you drag out.

Wilson: *smiles*

 

“So Stacy” House started.

 

“Sorry House I’m married” Stacy reassured him.

 

Wilson: “Sorry” is reassuring?

House: Shh! Let’s finish!

 

“I meant what’s up” House re stated.

 

“Oh not to much” Stacy returned.

 

“Let’s get off the stage” Cameron announced.

 

Everyone nodded and headed off the stage.

 

“that was awesome” Foreman shouted

 

House: *as Foreman* Totally killer, dude!

 

“Yeah we all have to do this again sometime” Wilson added.

 

Wilson: Or not.

 

“Nothing we’ll regret” Cameron added more in.

 

“Yeah” Cuddy also added.

 

“Fine settled” House finished.

 

“Then let’s go home” Chase fully finished.

 

Wilson: “Fully finished”?

House: Let it go! One more sentence, then we’re free.

Wilson: You’re the one who brought the bad!fic over.

House: To amuse you. I had no idea you had magic brownies.

Wilson: You wanted to amuse me! You actually did something just because it would make me feel better.

House: No! OK, yeah. But don’t let anyone know. I wouldn’t want – mmph!

Wilson: *kissing House ferociously*

Hands: *roaming freely*

Private parts: *dragged out*

The plot point of Wilson being sick: *forgotten completely*

 

Everyone nodded grabbed their things and all headed outside. Cameron and Chase arms around eachother.

Comments

[alemyrddin.livejournal.com]

I was looking through your fic index and I was in the mood for something fun so...here I am.
Am I really the first one to comment on this?
Well, it was hilarious! Your commentary, I mean - the song!fic... not so much, at least not on purpose. ;)
I had a giggling fit here at work.

Wilson: *recovers* Once again, I appreciate the artistry of this author’s prose. It fairly leaps off the page.
lol. I always love Wilson's trademark deadpan sarcasm.
:)

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Before copying it here, I originally posted this over at the MST comm, so most of the comments are there.

Thanks for letting me know you liked it! I love giving Wilson the sarcastic lines 'cause he'd so underplay them. : )

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! The fic was... yeah.