Vision (PG)

[deelaundry]

Originally written 7/22/07

Title: Vision
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG
Summary/Notes: A snippet, just 88 words, from the POV of Jack's Pop from the Keeper universe. Takes place after Part Eight of Keeper.

Wilson smoothes his shirt down for what must be the dozenth time and wishes he had a mirror. He hasn't looked at himself in a long time - his mother covered the mirrors during shiva, and he's never taken the dark cloths back off.

He's nervous. This isn't how he's used to looking, isn't how he pictures himself in his mind's eye. He's given himself a costume, he thinks sometimes, although the truth behind the beard and the extra weight is much simpler. He just wanted the warmth.

Comments

[hirenkoi.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine was abandoned by her husband after 20 years of married. In that ocasion, she crashed in front of me and said that the worst thing of all was the cold. In fact, she was shivering when she said that - we live in Rio de Janeiro, it was spring, and it wasn´t a fever.
She said it was a different kind of cold, that seemed to froze her bones and no blanket, no nothing could help. ;_____;
It´s the same thing here?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Exactly! After House's death, Wilson was very depressed because he'd lost his greatest love, and he felt numb and cold. At first he would forget to eat, so he grew very skinny. Then he started to eat for comfort, to feel a little less cold, and he kept eating until he had gained a lot of weight.

After Jack moved back to Princeton, Wilson started to feel a little better, and then a little more. Eventually he felt much healthier, although of course he missed House every day of his life.

[hirenkoi.livejournal.com]

First of all, happy b-day!! ♥

God, what a coincidence! When my friend talked to me about it... I didn´t know what to say to her. It´s very sad but it was the most beautiful declaration of love that I ever heard. I never forgot about it. My friend is much better now, she even has a boyfriend, but... I know that she´ll always love him. And... he made some mistakes, but he loves her too. : (

Just one more thing: I really can imagine how Wilson would like with these extra pounds. Even with the beard and everything, And.. call me crazy, but I think he would be so cute. ♥~ What did you think?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the birthday wishes.

simple__man and his cousin little_himself both liked the idea of Wilson "all round and roly." They thought Church's House would go home and try to fatten his Jimmy up!

[hirenkoi.livejournal.com]

*LOL* lots of chocolate to Jimmy! \o/

[photoash.livejournal.com]

After reading Keeper and Father's Son I find myself wondering the most about Wilson's POV. I feel like he's the character that gets the least POV wise screentime. We find out House's motives and Jack's views but we never really see what Wilson thinks about it all. I wish we had more of his POV and I'm glad you put this little tidbit in but really I'd love to know what he thought about House leaving and how he found Eliane and really how that all happened.

Do you have more Wilson somewhere?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

All the fics in this 'verse are on my fic list (http://deelaundry.livejournal.com/31872.html). Looking at it, I don't have much in Wilson POV, and all of that is from before House leaves.

- Genesis, NC-17, before Jack
- Luminescence, PG, four months old
- Plural Possessive, NC-17, ten months old
- Senseless, R, midquel, warning for violence and language, age three
- Cutting, PG-13, midquel, age four, is dialogue only but an important time of Wilson expressing his anger at being closeted

I have other fics I'm working on now, so can't do an entire fic, but if you want to ask any specific questions about Wilson's feelings here, I'd be happy to answer them.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your quick reply. Gah I stayed up way too late last night reading all of this. After reading the prequels you mention I found myself even more curious about Wilson's pov because he's so in love with House and he wants to raise a baby *with House* not by himself :( nobody sets out to be a single parent and that's what House renders him.

I guess my questions would be:
1. How long did he 'wait' for House to come back? (I mean we know it's 3 years until he gets married but presumably he dated Elaine awhile first).

2. How did he reconcile his (presumably) feelings of abandonment and betrayal by House leaving him and still have a relationship with him? (and did they still have a relationship during that time? )

3. Why did he marry Elaine? (and why did he decide to date to start with)

4. Do you think he regretted how things turned out looking back over his life? (I think that's the fic I'd most love to read a Wilson retrospective about things as he's nearing his dotage and considering how things played out - it really struck a cord that House wanted to leave wilson a piece of him to comfort him once House is gone b/c he knew he'd go first...that is just heart breaking to me )

Ok... will try to restrain myself and just ask those. Thank you again :) I'm sure you're very busy!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

1. Wilson lasted about six months after House left before he started dating women. Remember that House wanted Wilson to get married and give Jack a "normal life," so he was bugging Wilson a lot over that time to start dating. But any time up until his wedding (or, truthfully, any time up until Elaine got sick) he would've dumped a woman in a second if House had been willing to come back home.

2. House and Wilson definitely still had a relationship. Publicly, they were friends the entire time; secretly, they were having an affair, on and off, until Elaine got sick. Wilson needed House and was way too in love with him to ever give him up completely. He did feel abandoned, but he knew House didn't want to leave. Like Wilson said at the time, "The ghosts got him." House wasn't rejecting Wilson; he was being a stubborn idiot, trying to do what was best for Jack.

If you read the comments for "Senseless," you saw that Wilson's guilt over loving House more than Jack was a huge hamper on Wilson's ability to convince House to come back after he left. Wilson would try to persuade House that being together was best for all of them, but House would insist living apart was the best thing for Jack and that would trigger Wilson's guilt.

3. He married Elaine because he was lonely and he functions better being part of a couple. He married Elaine specifically because she was willing to put up with House being a huge part of Wilson's life. After Wilson and Elaine had come to know each other very well, when they were talking about making a stronger commitment, Wilson told her about his relationship with House and that he was still in love with House. Elaine decided she could share Wilson's love as long as Wilson treated her well and spent most of his time with her. Elaine had been alone for a long time and was willing to give up on having a "soulmate" for a warm, loving companion. She didn't specifically say that it was OK for Wilson to keep having sex with House, but she turned a blind eye to it as long as Wilson came home every night to be with her.

4. Wilson regretted a lot of things, but having Jack and loving House he never regretted. I'll keep your idea for a fic in mind, and if it comes to me, I'll write it up!

Thank you for asking questions -- I love to talk about this 'verse. It's very much a part of me now.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Wow that is really informative thank you so much for your reply!! Gah though unfortunately it makes me want to ask a couple more questions >_> would be too troublesome to do so?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Go right ahead! I love talking about this 'verse.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

1. Did House ever think he was wrong for keeping him and Wilson apart all of those years? Did he regret it but wasn't able to share that? (and Ultimately it seemed to prove futile and did not protect Jack :( like he wanted and only messed up Jack)

2. How did Wilson manage to cope with not only losing Elaine (which I do think he loved just wasn't in love with) and then losing house 6 weeks later? I mean that is a devastating blow.

3. Did Wilson ever really recover from #2? And did he date again and/or have a committed relationship? (I mean if he could only last 6 months and he had house on the side >_>)

4. Did Wilson ever regret not ending it with Elaine as soon as Jack was 16 or 18 and trying to force House back so that they'd have had more time together?

5. Did House date anyone after he moved out of the house?

6. How do you envision House's first phone call or conversation with Wilson post him running out of them went? (now that's a missing scene :) )

*shoves her other questions back down* and somehow some for House broke in >_> sorry about that!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

1. House had moments of thinking he was wrong from the first moment he drove away from his sleeping family. But he was locked in his fear, and his natural stubbornness carried him along the path he'd started on.

2. As House said, Wilson had spent the last few years of Elaine's life grieving her. At the end, her dementia was so bad that she was barely recognizable to him or to her family. He was sad at her death but also felt it was a blessing for her. House's death, on the other hand, shook Wilson very, very badly. He had a hard time getting through the day for several months. Jack was pretty much his only reason to live.

3. Wilson had bouts of depression for the rest of his life, but having grandchildren really made him happy. His first grandchild was born about three and a half years after House died.

After House's death, eventually Wilson dated again (including an intense affair with a married man), but I don't think he ever had a relationship serious enough to move in with the person.

4. In the selfish part of his soul, Wilson regretted not ending it with Elaine after Jack went to college. Before that point, he figured there was no point, but with Jack "safely" in college, (Wilson felt later) he should've tried harder to get House to come back to him.

5. Yes, House dated, but never got particularly close to anyone.

5A. Secret? Wilson and House both dated other people while they were still living together. This was with the full knowledge of the other; it was House's idea, to be part of the "cover." In fact, for several months House and Wilson "dated" two women who had a closeted relationship of their own.

6. Oh, that conversation did not go well. Not at all. That'll probably have to be a fic some day.

Good questions! I'm happy to answer more if you want.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Yay thank you! There is some surprising info there esp about the dating of other people! I would love to read a ficlet of that conversation because I think that'd be rather telling of their relationship just like the conversation between Wilson and House after Jack went to bed was.

Ok just a few more >_>

1. What caused House and Wilson to be so paranoid about their relationship to start with (ie why could nobody at work know, why did they have to date other people)... I mean that just seems so extreme. And was Wilson as adamant about things as House was?

2. What did Wilson do to make himself feel close to House/ease the hurt of him being away? (Both while House was living separately from him and after House was dead)

3. Did Wilson and Jack ever talk about House and Wilson's relationship once Jack was an adult -- ie the dating other people and the secretive nature and everything and the attack on Wilson-- was Jack curious or did Wilson feel the need to explain/defend House?

4. Did Jack know House dated other people?

5. What does Wilson miss most now that House is dead? (and did he continue working in his same office and who took House's and how did that play out?)

:) thank you again!
4.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

1. House was paranoid about it -- in this 'verse -- due to some things he'd seen and heard as a boy on military bases and in the Middle East. His father was openly homophobic; the military culture was very intolerant(remember this was the 60s). Several times, he saw men suspected of homosexuality get hassled, and once, whenhe was young, he saw a man beaten severely as other men jeered and told the man he deserved it. It was bad.

Wilson didn't have the same experience growing up, but he's into the "suburban" image, so at first he was just as happy not revealing their relationship. Eventually it became inconvenient to keep hiding, but by then Wilson had heard about House's experiences and wanted to give House what he needed.

2. I'm not sure I understand this question.

3. Wilson and Jack talked about it a little, but they had both become accustomed to not talking about it by that time. Jack never pushed the issue, and Wilson considered many things inappropriate to discuss with his son.

4. Jack knew about the people House dated after House moved out. He never thought about it much, though.

5. Wilson misses House most of all! House's personality, his character, the way he knew Wilson inside and out, the way Wilson could be himself completely around House, his jokes, his honesty, his intelligence, the intimacy they shared.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

thank you :) that is really enlightening!

#2 clarification: I was thinking how if you're in a relationship and the person you're with has to go away and not be with you for a period of time you often develop ways of still feeling close to them despite them being gone (even if they are dead people still do those sorts of things)... erm like how when i was dating a guy and he moved away for 4 months we talked every weekend night at around the same time just to check in and it was comforting to still have routine... i had some special things he'd given me sitting around his picture on my desk -- that type of thing? (god now I same like a lame-o loser but eh I was 21 :) what did I know) -- does that make any more sense or am i just muddying the waters?