MST: "GET THE DOG OFF THE BABY!"
Oct. 5th, 2006 04:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deelaundryNothing can really beat Kaygreg as a spawn name, but Brigitta is up there in the top 10 at least. No offense to Hungarians.
Otherwise, this isn't a horribly hopeless fic. Kinda cute, even, and reasonably in-character for House/Cameron. But I'm MSTing it anyway.
Otherwise, this isn't a horribly hopeless fic. Kinda cute, even, and reasonably in-character for House/Cameron. But I'm MSTing it anyway.
Another lonely day between patients. Chase and Cameron have their hands on some old patient files. Cameron is drawing unicorns on the covers. Chase, his tongue poking out slightly, has designed an epic space battle that stretches across the backs of four folders.
Cameron: This pony’s name is Princess Sparkles.
Chase shakes his head and bellows, “Cut!” A bell rings, and the lights change. An assistant rushes over to hand Cameron a Diet Coke and re-touch her makeup. Chase stomps off behind the director’s chair and flings open a ratty wooden door. The figure sitting in the small room, hunched over a laptop, cringes.
MST Author: *shakily* What?
Chase stomps back to the conference room. Cameron shoves the Diet Coke back at her PA, shakes out her hair prettily, and nods to Chase.
Chase: Let’s get this show on the road! I’ve got movie scripts to read!
House stared in puzzlement at the items before him. He knew, knew that some how these ingredients had to make something. ‘Dinner’.
Chase: Is “puzzlement” really a word?
Allison’s muffled reply couldn’t be heard over the clattering pots and radio blaring.
When House cooked, he cooked big. And loud.
“What?” he yelled.
“I said,” Cameron said from the doorway, looking exasperated, “That it’s… GET THE DOG OFF THE BABY!”
The baby in question was in her little baby bouncer, watching her father with big blue eyes. And a fluffy animal curled up on her round little belly covered in a fuzzy jumper.
Cameron swooped down and picked up the fuzzy puppy and glared at House.
“Greg! Brigitta could suffocate! Why weren’t you watching her!?”
Cameron: I named my child Brigitta?
Cameron: Harridan?
Chase: We don’t call it “smothered,” we call it “gramatically challenged.”
-----
It was an ongoing argument now, though long since resolved.
Cameron & Chase: Nope, didn’t need the break.
When they’d picked up the miniature poodle puppy (Cameron was allergic) Cameron had wanted to call it Alfred. House, being House, had wanted to call it ‘Zachariah’.
“Why would you want to call the poor animal ‘Alfred’?” House had asked, looking wounded as he put the baby seat into the back of the car, “What did he ever do to you?”
“My grandfather was called Alfred.” Cameron had retorted, “Why Zachariah?”
“Wilson’s grandfather’s name.”
Cameron: Well, that’s sweet, that House knows Wilson’s grandparents.
------
Brigitta sat in her chair and blew a little bubble before whimpering. House set the puppy back down who immediately trotted back over to the baby and rested his head on her leg, eyes on Cameron. He wasn’t dumb enough to get back onto his comfy and warm pillow while she stood there.
Cameron rolled her eyes at the dog and her husband before throwing her hands up into the air.
“Men!”
“You still haven’t told me how much water and rice I need,” House pointed out from the stove, “I just did double the water. So you’re shit outta luck.”
“That’s how much you needed Greg.”
“Good, because if it was wrong, I’d have blamed you.”
Cameron stuck her tongue out at House, but was smiling.
“Call me when dinner is ready, and make sure the idiot dog stays off ‘Gitta ok?”
“Yes dear,” House teased in mock obedience, “I don’t think you’re an idiot dog,” House told George as Cameron left the room, “You just like to be warm and cosy. Don’t blame you at all. But she’s to young to date, remember that.”
Cameron: What?
Chase: If the eyes are covered by the hair all over the dog’s body, then that’s…
and climbed back onto Brigitta’s tummy, curling into a small warm little ball of heat. Brigitta, cooed and gurgled, content to have her hot water bottle back.
And everything was happy in her small little world until…
“House! The dog!”
Cameron: *shrugs* The end was cute. We’ve seen worse.
Cameron: This pony’s name is Princess Sparkles.
Chase: I thought they were unicorns.
Cameron: *shrug* I decided unicorns were too phallic. Here’s Princess Sparkles’ mate, Lady Admin.
Chase: Umm, yeah, I think we should do something else. *hides Obi-Wan/Mace Windu sketches* Maybe some bad!fic. Where’s House? And Foreman?
Cameron: They said they had to go check out something. A patient, I think. A Mr. Jermann? I think he’s Vietnamese, because his first name is Nguyen-Bak.
Chase shakes his head and bellows, “Cut!” A bell rings, and the lights change. An assistant rushes over to hand Cameron a Diet Coke and re-touch her makeup. Chase stomps off behind the director’s chair and flings open a ratty wooden door. The figure sitting in the small room, hunched over a laptop, cringes.
MST Author: *shakily* What?
Chase: That was the most ridiculous pun ever! It doesn’t even reference anything on the show, only a previous MST!
MST Author: But I –
Chase: You’re not even breaking the Fourth Wall – you made up, and then broke, a bloody Fifth Wall! Cut it out!
MST Author: Eep. Yes, sir.
Chase stomps back to the conference room. Cameron shoves the Diet Coke back at her PA, shakes out her hair prettily, and nods to Chase.
Chase: Let’s get this show on the road! I’ve got movie scripts to read!
House stared in puzzlement at the items before him. He knew, knew that some how these ingredients had to make something. ‘Dinner’.
Chase: Is “puzzlement” really a word?
Dictionary.com: Yep.
Cameron: Is “some how” supposed to be two words?
Dictionary.com: Nope.
Chase: Can you put the period outside the quotation marks?
Dictionary.com: AM I CALLED GRAMMAR.COM? NO! Go find Foreman and ask him.
“Ali?” he called over his shoulder from the kitchen, “Is it one part rice to two parts water or two parts rice to one part water?”
“Ali?” he called over his shoulder from the kitchen, “Is it one part rice to two parts water or two parts rice to one part water?”
Cameron: Ali? He’s asking “The Greatest” for cooking instructions?
Chase: If you want to ask a boxer about cooking, I think George Foreman’s your best bet.
Allison’s muffled reply couldn’t be heard over the clattering pots and radio blaring.
Cameron: Oh, crap. It’s me again, isn’t it?
Chase: Could be worse; could be me.
Chase: Could be worse; could be me.
When House cooked, he cooked big. And loud.
Chase: Rice is big. Yeah. Really stretching your mad culinary skillz there, House.
Cameron: And he doesn’t even know how to cook it.
“What?” he yelled.
“I said,” Cameron said from the doorway, looking exasperated, “That it’s… GET THE DOG OFF THE BABY!”
Cameron: GET THE CAT OFF THE DOG!
Chase: GET THE SNAKES OFF THE PLANE!
Cameron: Ugh, really, Chase, that is so five minutes ago.
The baby in question was in her little baby bouncer, watching her father with big blue eyes. And a fluffy animal curled up on her round little belly covered in a fuzzy jumper.
Cameron: Of course, the baby has blue eyes.
Chase: House has mutant eye-color DNA that stomps any other eye-color DNA. Mpreg with Foreman, the baby would still have blue eyes.
Cameron: And isn’t that a tiny dog if it fits on a baby’s stomach?
Chase: Who’s wearing the fuzzy jumper: the baby or the dog?
Cameron swooped down and picked up the fuzzy puppy and glared at House.
“Greg! Brigitta could suffocate! Why weren’t you watching her!?”
Cameron: I named my child Brigitta?
Chase: It’s popular in Hungary. 52nd most popular girl’s name in 2004.
Cameron: *eyes him suspiciously*
House rolled his eyes and limped over to Cameron to take the puppy from his wife, leaning over to kiss her cheek softly as he did so.
“Real Harridan isn’t she?” he murmured to the fuzzy puppy why yipped it’s agreement and enthusiastically tried to lick his face, “Poor old Georgie.”
House rolled his eyes and limped over to Cameron to take the puppy from his wife, leaning over to kiss her cheek softly as he did so.
“Real Harridan isn’t she?” he murmured to the fuzzy puppy why yipped it’s agreement and enthusiastically tried to lick his face, “Poor old Georgie.”
Cameron: Harridan?
Dictionary.com: Harridan: a scolding, vicious woman; hag; shrew.
Cameron: *pouts*
Chase: Hey, watch me be Foreman. "Harridan" shouldn't be capitalized, missing comma, “who” not “why,” use “its” for possessive, and the mark after “face” should be a period. Phew, that’s tiring. I don’t know how he does it.
“We should have called him Alfred,” muttered Cameron, stooping to check Brigitta and satisfying herself that the baby was not, ‘smothered’.
“We should have called him Alfred,” muttered Cameron, stooping to check Brigitta and satisfying herself that the baby was not, ‘smothered’.
Chase: We don’t call it “smothered,” we call it “gramatically challenged.”
-----
Cameron: This fic is fewer than 600 words long. Does it really need a section break?
Chase: Let’s see…
It was an ongoing argument now, though long since resolved.
Cameron & Chase: Nope, didn’t need the break.
Cameron: Wait a minute. How can an argument be ongoing and yet resolved?
Chase: It’s just like your crush on House!
Cameron: Shut up.
When they’d picked up the miniature poodle puppy (Cameron was allergic) Cameron had wanted to call it Alfred. House, being House, had wanted to call it ‘Zachariah’.
Chase: What does that mean, “House, being House”? Zachariah seems like a decent enough name. I think if House was really being House he would have called it “Clint Eastwood.”
Cameron: Or “Pile of Fur.”
Chase: Or “Pain in the Ass.”
Cameron: Or, if it was a girl dog, “Chase.”
Chase: Shut up.
“Why would you want to call the poor animal ‘Alfred’?” House had asked, looking wounded as he put the baby seat into the back of the car, “What did he ever do to you?”
Cameron: Isn’t that cute? They have the puppy in a baby seat.
Chase: I think Brigitta’s in the baby seat.
Cameron: No offense to Hungarians, but I still don’t like that name.
Chase: It’s better than…. *over his shoulder* Not saying it! NO FIFTH WALL!
“My grandfather was called Alfred.” Cameron had retorted, “Why Zachariah?”
“Wilson’s grandfather’s name.”
Cameron: Well, that’s sweet, that House knows Wilson’s grandparents.
Chase: Unless it means the author and thus fic!Cameron are scornful of Zachariah because it’s a Jewish name. Then that’s just creepy.
Cameron: *shudder* Is there any terrible trait fic!me doesn’t have?
------
Brigitta sat in her chair and blew a little bubble before whimpering. House set the puppy back down who immediately trotted back over to the baby and rested his head on her leg, eyes on Cameron. He wasn’t dumb enough to get back onto his comfy and warm pillow while she stood there.
Cameron: The dog appears to be smarter than this story.
Cameron rolled her eyes at the dog and her husband before throwing her hands up into the air.
“Men!”
Chase: Mice!
Cameron: Cheese!
Chase: Death!
Cameron: Sex!
Chase: Disease!
Cameron: Painful and unnecessary tests!
Chase: Free association is fun.
Cameron: But thinking through that list of words: we’ve been working for House too long.
“You still haven’t told me how much water and rice I need,” House pointed out from the stove, “I just did double the water. So you’re shit outta luck.”
“That’s how much you needed Greg.”
Cameron: House needed himself?
Chase: Comma’s missing between “needed” and “Greg.”
“Good, because if it was wrong, I’d have blamed you.”
Cameron stuck her tongue out at House, but was smiling.
“Call me when dinner is ready, and make sure the idiot dog stays off ‘Gitta ok?”
Cameron: Gitta? OK, I’m warming up to Brigitta a little, but Gitta is a big no.
“Yes dear,” House teased in mock obedience, “I don’t think you’re an idiot dog,” House told George as Cameron left the room, “You just like to be warm and cosy. Don’t blame you at all. But she’s to young to date, remember that.”
Cameron: What?
Chase: It’s perfectly clear. House will allow the dog to date your daughter, but only when she’s older.
Cameron: That is a hundred different kinds of wrong.
Thus warned, with a spatula shaken at him, the puppy just looked up at House with big eyes mostly covered by the mass of hair that covered his body,
Thus warned, with a spatula shaken at him, the puppy just looked up at House with big eyes mostly covered by the mass of hair that covered his body,
Chase: If the eyes are covered by the hair all over the dog’s body, then that’s…
Cameron: Either really long hair, or eyes that are so big as to take up most of the puppy’s body.
Chase & Cameron: *multiple shudders*
and climbed back onto Brigitta’s tummy, curling into a small warm little ball of heat. Brigitta, cooed and gurgled, content to have her hot water bottle back.
And everything was happy in her small little world until…
“House! The dog!”
Cameron: *shrugs* The end was cute. We’ve seen worse.
Chase: You’re right; we’ve seen worse. Want to have sex?
Cameron: Great idea! See you later. *goes off to find Lady Admin*
Chase: Bye. *goes to pry Mace Windu away from Qui-Gon*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-07 11:57 am (UTC)