Proposing, ver. 1; C/F drabble; Proposing ver. 2 (PG/PG-13)

[deelaundry]

Posted to house_wilson and house_slash

Title: Proposing, version 1
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG
Words: 851
Summary: Guess. (Dialogue only.)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.

Dr. House, I really appreciate all that your team has done for me.

Sure. Where is the discharge nurse?

It’s been just a great experience. I especially enjoyed talking to that young girl doctor.

Cameron? She’s a barrel of laughs. Why is there never a nurse around when you need one?

When we talked about you, though, I got the sense that you were not as fulfilled in your personal life as you should be.

Well, here we are in the lobby. Never found the nurse, but that’s alright. You should be good to go from here.

Do you go to church every Sunday? It’s crucial for your spiritual health to be right with the Lord. And Miss Cameron said you’re not married. Marriage is important for a man, especially one of your age. You should be getting settled down.

Is that so? Hey, Wilson!

What?

My ex-patient here thinks it’s time for you and me to get married.

Why not? My mother's going to want to plan the wedding, you know.

No chicken dance, no throwing the bouquet. I don't mind the garter thing, though. You know what, I should just plan the reception; your mom can plan the ceremony.

Sounds good. I'll take care of the honeymoon.

Fun! *to the patient* Well, now that that's settled, you can take off.

Marriage is between a man and a woman! You can't marry another man!

Forgot about that. Wilson!

I’m working over here.

We can't do a wedding. Laws of the state and so forth.

That's too bad.

We could move to Massachusetts.

Nah, I'd have to pack; that's a pain.

We could have one of those, what do you call it, commitment ceremony things instead.

Gotta go; I have a meeting.

Don't leave me hanging!

Fine.

*to the patient* There we go; everyone’s happy. Off with you now.

That’s an abomination. When a man lies with another man, they both shall be put to death.

Oh, Leviticus. The most fun book in the Bible. Did you read the part about how wearing a garment of mixed cloths is against God’s law? No? Go brush up then, because your shirt, in addition to being a horrible color and cut, gives off that nasty sheen because it’s a cotton-rayon blend. Unnatural AND sinful. Off you go, bye-bye.

***

Wilson! Hold the elevator.

Sure. So, are you calling your parents, or do you want me to?

Excuse me?

Seeing as how we’re having a ceremony, I thought you’d want to call your parents. Or, your father’s kind of an old-fashioned, by-the-book guy. Maybe I should call and ask for your hand.

To be really old-fashioned, Wilson, you need to do it in person. That’d give Mom and me some time to make sure my hope chest is fully stocked.

I’m expecting a good size dowry for taking you off their hands.

How about we refund you all the money you’ve loaned me over the years?

Throw in payback for every meal I’ve bought you, and you’ve got a deal.

Deal.

Are we still kidding around? I’ve lost track.

We should do it just to spite that bitch patient. Interesting disease but one hell of a boring personality.

Spite’s a good reason to commit your life to another person.

Wasn’t spite why you married your second wife?

Not spite, jealousy. Totally different. Wife #1 was loneliness, and Wife #3 was… I forget.

Anyway, you already said yes, so you can’t welsh on me now.

Good, now I can mark off Welsh on my House Bigotry Bingo card. Foreman will be jealous; he’s way behind.

I’ll rephrase. Don’t be an Indian giver.

Even worse.

Do something skinflinty so I can call you a Jew.

Oh, look. I made a roving kite pattern on my Bingo card. That pays out triple.

Now you’ll have money to take me to lunch.

I actually do have a meeting.

Come find me afterwards; you can tell me where you’re going to take me on our honeymoon.

Once again, I lost track. Are we kidding about this or serious?

Can’t it be both?

Not really.

This your meeting room?

Yes.

Step in, and all will be made clear. Attention…

New oncology residents.

Attention new oncology residents! Anybody here homophobic?

House.

No? Good. You’ve met the Department Head for Oncology, Dr. James Wilson, right? Because he’s a wuss, he’s probably invited you all to ask him questions, told you he has an open door policy.

House.

Well, I have to break it to you that this will not be entirely the case. Seeing as how Dr. Wilson and I just got engaged, and my office is made entirely out of glass, I’m thinking there will be times when his door will definitely be shut.

House.

Do not even knock when the door is closed, because my wrath is terrible to behold.

Thank you, Dr. House, for that, um, interesting icebreaker. The first item actually on the agenda for this meeting is—

Deadly serious, baby.

Thank you again, Dr. House. We’ll discuss this later.

Where do you think we should register for gifts?


Unrelated drabble (100 words exactly), Chase/Foreman, like a sorbet to cleanse the palate:

Our favorite bar, new bartender. “What kind of Johnnie Walker, boys?”

“Black,” Chase replied, “like Foreman’s ass.”

“Red,” I replied, “like Chase’s neck.”

Chase turned to me and cocked his head inquisitively. “My neck's not red; it's kind of a pinkish color.”

I couldn’t tell if he was screwing with me or truly didn’t know the phrase, so I made the easiest reply: I scowled. “Drink your damn whiskey.”

When his hand slid down to cup my ass, I put my hand out and grasped his neck. We shared a smile and the taste of two kinds of Johnnie Walker.


Title: Proposing, version 2
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13 for talking during sex
Words: 781
Summary: Proposing scenario in which there is sex and House actually gets serious for a moment. (Dialogue only. Prequel to “The Registry.” Select words stolen shamelessly from shoedog and inlaterdays)
Note: By request of conunduh and mikhyel.

Wilson, would you get on with it? I’m getting tired here.

Impatience. So sexy.

Come for me, lover. Shoot your milky load in my mangina. That more along the lines of what you want?

Christ, could we have sex one time without me having to tell you to shut up?

One time, in fact the very first time we had sex, it didn’t last long enough for you to tell me anything. I guess you’re making up for it now. Seriously, can you finish?

Shut—uhh.

That’s my boy. Give me a kiss.

Mmm, now I’m tired.

Obviously. Don’t fall asleep on me yet. I’ve been thinking.

Obviously. Move over a bit.

I’ve been thinking about you and your ex-wives.

Me and all three of them at once? Interesting picture, but if gets you in the mood, hey, go for it.

Not that. I’ve been thinking about how you’ve been really bad at marriage. Horrible at it.

I’m not listening to this tonight. I’m going to take a shower.

Wait. Come back here. You missed the ‘but.’

That’s not what you were indicating earlier.

Lame joke, not worthy of you. I meant the ‘but’ in my sentence. You’ve been horrible at marriage, but you’re doing very well at this.

Sex? Thank you.

That too, but that’s not what I mean. This, you and me, this relationship. You’re good at it. Why are your eyes narrowed? What is that face you’re making?

You don’t give compliments. What’s happening?

I compliment your cooking.

When?

I eat it, don’t I?

You eat re-nuked leftover Chef Boyardee ravioli, and popcorn that’s two days old. So I don’t buy eating my cooking as a compliment.

Picky.

Realistic. What’s happening? What are you up to?

I think we should get married.

We can’t.

Why not? Yer pa got somethin’ agin’ us getting hitched? I can provide for you real good, Betty Lou.

Yeah. We’re both men, remember? And we live in New Jersey, not Canada or Massachusetts.

Too cold, brrr. Fine. We can do one of those gay pseudo-wedding things.

Pseudo-wedding?

What do you call them? Oh, damn, I really have to start studying my alternative lifestyle handbook.

Your lifestyle has always been alternative.

But not gay alternative. What do you people call that almost-wedding thingy?

My people. Well, it depends on the denomination. Orthodox and Conservative would call it an abomination and probably throw you out of the temple. Reform I suppose might call it a commitment ceremony.

I meant you gay people, but that’s the term I was looking for. I’ll circle that in the glossary in my handbook.

Can I go to sleep now?

You never answered my question.

“It’s called a commitment ceremony.” That was the answer to your question.

The other question.

You didn’t ask another question. Good night.

Christ, if I’d known you’d wanted a ring and flowers, I would’ve taken your AmEx and bought them.

What are you talking about?

James Evan Wilson, will you, um, commit me?

In the morning, I’ll drive you to Bellevue personally.

Har de har har. Ball’s in your court.

Why are you doing this?

Answering a question with a question. You’re on your way to Jewish motherhood.

Shut it, and answer my question. Why?

What does it matter? Hey, I could be a Jewish mom too.

Give me a serious answer, or I’m going to sleep. On the couch.

You hate the couch. Don’t give me that look. Okay. Here it is, listen up, because you’ll probably never hear it again. I have loved you since about a month after we met, when you made it perfectly clear that you could handle with aplomb whatever shit I cared to deal out. I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even know when, and you can squeeze my heart with a two-second glance. Every single day, you do something that makes me happy, whether I show it or not. I’m asking you to do this ceremony because I want to publicly make my claim on you, stamp you permanently as mine, because the thought of being without you is a pain I’m not willing to face.

Oh.

Think wisely about your next words. I have a cane, and I know how to use it.

Yeah, okay, let’s get hitched. I assume you’ll ask Cuddy to be your best man. Think she’ll wear a tux?

And hide those luscious fun bags? I hope not.

Turn off the light. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.

Them.

What?

Cuddy’s got two fun bags, so we’ll talk about them more tomorrow.

Them, yep.

You’re going to make a lovely bride.

And you really should be committed. Good night.

Comments

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Heh!

These are really nicely done, and the banter is spot-on.

Just one thing ...
Orthodox and Conservative would call it an abomination and probably throw you out of the church.

Temple or synagogue. Not church.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Fixed it; don't know what I was thinking. Thanks!

[evila-elf.livejournal.com]

*claps*

So many wonderful parts! I love DO fics :D
Wait. Come back here. You missed the 'but.'

That’s not what you were indicating earlier.

Lame joke, not worthy of you. I meant the 'but' in my sentence. You’ve been horrible at marriage, but you're doing very well at this.

Sex? Thank you.

eeheehehee :D

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Guess I'm on a DO kick. One of these days I'll write something with, you know, imagery and action and stuff. If you don't mind my asking, which version was better?

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Psst--the brand of Scotch you're thinking of is Johnnie Walker, not Johnny. Weird, huh?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

ARGH! I hate it when details like that slip past. That's what I get for not getting a beta. Fixed. Thanks!!

[genagirl.livejournal.com]

Do something skinflinty so I can call you a Jew.

Oh, look. I made a roving kite pattern on my Bingo card. That pays out triple.

Now you’ll have money to take me to lunch. *dies laughing*


James Evan Wilson, will you, um, commit me?

In the morning, I'll drive you to Bellevue personally. *revives only to keel over again* I could see the entire thing in my head.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! House really gets away with saying a lot that I certainly wouldn't put up with in real life. Wilson needs to give him a smackdown (in some way or another) now and then.

[silsbee329.livejournal.com]

You are too funny! Loved these.

Do not even knock when the door is closed, because my wrath is terrible to behold.
This whole bit was hilarious. I could totally see it!

like a sorbet to cleanse the palate
Hee! As a mild C/F person, I got a kick out of this.

Every single day, you do something that makes me happy, whether I show it or not.
Aww! I am a sucker for sentimentality. I'm impressed with how you managed to add this, but then pull it back so that it didn't become too sweet. Niiice. ;)

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

The C/F drabble was OK? I don't normally write them but wanted a break in between the two H/W versions.

Thanks for the comment on the sentimentality. I hate when fics make House all sappy, but I think he does have those thoughts, he just rarely expresses them. Wilson would have to handle it right, too; returned sentimentality would drive House nuts, I think. Thanks!

[fallen-arazil.livejournal.com]

I really bloody love your dialogue. Honey, you make my day brighter. ^_^

You’ve been horrible at marriage, but you're doing very well at this.

Sex? Thank you.

That particular line launched me into a total gigglefit.

Now, I will say that I liked that second one better, partly because House got a bit more serious in it, but mostly because, of the two, it had more zingers ^_~ but I love you mention of Leviticus' defunct laws. Oh sure, when you're talking about sacrificing meat because the smell is pleaseing to the lord, tehy say we're under 'New Testament' law, but the minute gays show up, Leviticus I the first thing they reach for! =P

Anyway, adored it. You, my friend, have an amazing talent for these sort of ficlets. ^_^

~Djinn

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. Leviticus is a particular hot button of mine. People will sit there eating a pork sandwich and masturbating, saying Leviticus means god hates fags. I got some more Bible verses for them: How about "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? And especially, "This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it: thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments, hang all the law and the prophets." Off the soapbox now.

Glad you liked the ficlets! I go back and forth which I like better, which is why I threw them both out there. Thanks.

[purridot.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for writing *two* proposals, both deliciously witty. They seem to enjoy the bantering so much -- even more than the sex (or maybe just the same ;-). House's little commitment speech is an absolute classic I won't soon forget.

I hope your muse lets you continue telling the "backwards" story, from commitment ceremony to registry to proposal to...???!!!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

My muse is fickle, but I'll keep my fingers crossed. We'll probably jump around in the timeline a bit. I have the beginnings of a bachelor party idea, as well as something from the honeymoon. Why did Wilson choose the Newark Airport Marriott? That is the question. Thanks for commenting!

[axmxz.livejournal.com]

The first one is eleventy one kinds of awesome. All of it started playing out in my head in stereo around Leviticus and acquired visuals by the time the hope chest made its appearance. The announcement to the oncolongy whelps was fully lit from all sides and had no fewer than five mics picking up the acoustic nuances of the underlined words. In otehr words, major kudos.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. "Whelps," that makes me laugh, and yeah, I picture them as young as the med students from Three Stories, and being in awe that they have a meeting with the department head, and then WHAM, House whaps them upside the head with something unexpected because, as fallen_arazil said, "he's HOUSE and he CAN."

[daasgrrl.livejournal.com]

Hee - you're going backwards! These were just all kinds of lovely. I wanted to hide when House went into the meeting after Wilson. He's just... relentless.

James Evan Wilson, will you, um, commit me?

In the morning, I'll drive you to Bellevue personally.

What can I say? I'm easily amused :)

Much love for this... series?

Drabble was cute and funny too.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I didn't really mean to go backwards, or to make a sort of series, but a couple of folks asked me to write about the proposal and hey, here we are. There might also be bachelor party and honeymoon fics or mini-fics at some point.

Thanks!

[savemoony.livejournal.com]

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I don't know what they means yet, but it's definitely positive.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I normally see that kind of comment attached to pr0n, so am laughing to see it here. Did you get stuck on the "Shut-uhh" line? Anyhoo, positive is great! Thanks.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, thanks so much, for the nice comments and of course for prompting me to write this. I was surprised when two different versions came out. Tried to smush them together along the lines you laid out, but decided I liked them both as they were.

I'm not much of a C/F gal (although if a fic's hot of course I'll read it), but thought something different was needed in the middle. Just like in a fancy dinner, you have sorbet between courses so you don't have the taste of both tomato soup and duck (or whatever) in your mouth at the same time.

Anyhoo, there might end up being a bachelor party and/or a honeymoon fic/mini-fic in this series, so check back again. (I am also working on a long-ish H/W friendship fic if my betas ever get back to me.) Thanks!

[kemelios.livejournal.com]

Wow, great dialogue! Thanks for the stories, so much. I'm always on the prowl for new and excellent House/Wilson slash and you've totally fed my addiction.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks! I've got a couple more pieces on my journal here if you want to check them out. "The Registry" is dialogue-only as well. "That Time Cameron Had Mono" is a full story - don't let the title fool you, it is H/W.

[daisylily.livejournal.com]

(I thought I'd commented on this, but I hadn't. Probably because I was reading it at work, oops, naughty me.)

You've made me bring out my happy icon again -these are great. I can hear House and Wilson in all your writing (and the rest of the gang, but H/W are the important ones XD ) and it always makes my day. Do please write the other stories you mention (honeymoon, bachelor party, anything else you can think of).

Not sure which is my favourite but if you force me to choose, I think the second, just because of this bit:

"Here it is, listen up, because you'll probably never hear it again."

::melts:: (and not just because it's extremely hot and humid here)

Oh, and if you want a 'spare/backup' beta, I'd be willing to volunteer XD

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Seriously on the beta thing? What about a 6000+ word H/W friendship fic? If so, please email me deelaundry@yahoo.com

PS. I'm trying desperately to keep from reading H/W at work - explains why I'm late leaving for work now!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks. If these float your boat, you might like "The Registry" too: http://deelaundry.livejournal.com/2189.html Or not - look at me shamefully self-pimpin. Anyway, thanks!

Fic: Proposing

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. Yay!
House's declaration of love in the second was wonderful. And Wilson's suspicion.

The serious or not? in the first one, and Wilson playing along, was great. And the impatience with his patient.

Chase/Foreman worked well. Not my pairing at all, but cute.
(I know the phrase redneck, but I didn't get the joke.)

Re: Fic: Proposing

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this comment! (Sorry I'm so late responding.) This was a fun one to write - so fun I wrote it twice (hee).

[fry-addict.livejournal.com]

Hey Dee,

beautiful work you did there. So much fun to read. I almost fell off my chair during Houses speech to the new oncology residents. And I think both versions are just great - the first one a bit more comical and the second one with the most wonderful declaration of love ever written for House/Wilson.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hi. Something is wrong with my email notifications because I never got notice of your comment. Grr. Anyway...

Thanks! I wish the show would show more of the people Wilson works with (at least as extras) because I know House would have a blast embarrassing Wilson in front of them. Heh.

I worked for quite a while on House's speech in the second version to keep it from being too sappy. Glad it worked for you!

[skull-bearer.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

I love your Wilson. So. Fucking. Much. The whole first half had me laughing out loud because I could just picture it happening, and Wilson keeping a totally straight face to House's smirk. Brilliant.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I miss Playing-Along-Wilson so, so much. In S3 they made him a nag and then a doormat : ( I'm crossing my fingers for Season 4, though.

[brenda79.livejournal.com]

I usually don't go for dialogue only fics, but these were fantastic, even the one about Chase and Foreman. I was glad that you made everything clear about what was happening and who said what.
I liked how Wilson had to keep asking if they were serious or not, and House talking to the new oncology staff.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Sometimes it is a little hard to tell when House is joking, I think. And I would love to see some of Wilson's staff! He's a department head, and oncology's not normally a small department, either.

[poeia.livejournal.com]

After reading about that "church" that is planning to picket Heath Ledger's funeral because he played a gay person in a movie, I had to come here and reread Proposing, version 1. Love it.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Those people are ridiculous, aren't they? They're sure going to be embarrassed when they get to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter's wearing a rainbow pin.

"... this is the first and greatest commandment, and the second is like unto it: Love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

[blueyeti.livejournal.com]

Funniest. Thing. Ever.

I have no idea how you did it, but I was chortling along appreciating the ease of your pure dialogue and the snappiness of the religious snark and such, and then you hit me with the notion of a House Bigotry Bingo card, and Foreman being so behind on his, and the triple scores and... I know people often say lol all over the internets and such, so it loses some meaning, but, seriously, I was *literally* coughing on the spoon of udon I had in my mouth, and I'm lucky is so hard to choke on noodles; I'd have been in trouble if it was pak choy. And I literally have sore cheeks, and my housemates must think I'm completely nuts because I was laughing far too loudly far too long. While sitting in my room eating dinner. No idea how you did it, but, OMG, I love the House Bigotry Bingo *so* much.

You are highly amusing the rest of the time, although I'm probably just less embarrassing for most of it. I shall now meander through your fics with more purpose and comments, because you are extremely funny, and your snark is brilliant, and your characterisation at moments unnervingly good. Thank you for the extreme laugh.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, I'd forgotten about the Bigotry Bingo. If you ever decide to re-watch all the eps, you can put your own together and play. :D

House has such an awesome sense of humor (and Wilson can keep up with him, generally) that it is a real pleasure to try to bring that out in fics. Thank you.