Advice (PG-13)

[deelaundry]

Title: Advice
Author: Dee Laundry
Rating: PG-13
Words: 408
Notes: Wilson and Cuddy talk. Dialogue-only. Humor. Set a few months after the S6 Season Finale. BIG SPOILERS for S6 Season Finale and speculation for S7.

Carr-Wilson residence.

How did you stand this for so long?

Cuddy?

You lived with him for months. It's been one week, and I'm ready to kill him.

Well -

He wakes up more times a night than a newborn.

Uh -

He plays his guitar at five in the morning.

Yeah.

He won't let go of the remote, and the only thing he'll allow on is The Discovery Channel.

Yeah.

I don't think he's really allergic to sodium alkyl sulfate.

Chemical in dishwashing liquid? No, he isn't.

He found my menorah and set it on fire.

With candles there's always a possibility of accidental -

He used kerosene.

You still got off easy.

What?

He soldered a dildo into mine.

Seriously? It fit? How big are your candles?

It was a slim one, for, um, you know. It was supposed to be a statement about emotional societal masturbation and hypocrisy, or something; I don't know.

Yesterday I asked him to watch Rachel for five minutes while I took a shower. I came back into the room, and he was wearing my thong.

He didn't crossdress when he lived here.

On his face. He told Rachel it was a Cootie Mask so he wouldn't get her Baby Cooties.

Heh.

It's not funny!

Yes, it is.

Gah, I'm going to kill you along with him.

How did I get in the line of fire for slaying? I'm not the one ruining your sleep patterns.

How did you stand this for so long?

He's... House.

That explains so much.

He's funny; he's brilliant; he's incredibly loyal.

He's a pain in the ass.

That, too. Can't get one without the other. I thought you knew that.

I did.

So what's the problem?

How did you deal with this?

Valium.

You took Valium?

No, I put it in House's morning coffee.

Seriously?

No. Listen, House is going to do what he's going to do. You can't control him; the only thing you can control is you.

Just let him walk all over me.

Is he walking over you deliberately? Or is he trying to go around and accidentally tripping? He's not as steady on his feet as he pretends to be.

Is that supposed to be a metaphor?

Yes. Ask me again how I put up with living with House for so long.

How did you put up with living with House for so long?

It was so much better than the alternative.

Comments

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

ahahahaha I can just see this conversation going down. XD

[moose-mcmoose.livejournal.com]

That dildo/modern art/candle crossover sounds like it would sell for a few pennies. Someone needs to draw a sketch of that.

This is marvellous. And the last line!.... *grins*

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

The bit about the cootie mask should come with a "put down the drinks first" warning. Hehee!

And that last line is totally made of win. &hearts

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

Well, that put a welcome smile on my face. Kudos!

[srsly-yes.livejournal.com]

I may need to read this once a week to get through summer. So very humorous until the last line, and then I had to blink back a tear. Wilson will always know House best.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

hehehe :D very amusing!! I loved the menorah 'art' and House's 'babysitting' :D

Glad to see you writing!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

This is made of ALL KINDS OF AWESOME.

♥ ♥ ♥

[theninth.livejournal.com]

Love it!

Valium.

You took Valium?

No, I put it in House's morning coffee.

Seriously?

No.

Perfect.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

And at the beginning Cuddy's face looked just like it does in that icon. XD

Thanks!

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

Send this to St. Doris STAT! She's only writing the first episode, this must find it's way in!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I didn't think of the modern art potential. :D Thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Your icon show how wonderfully shaped House's face is to wear such a "mask." Hee. Thanks!

[Oh, I ranted so much about the season finale not really calling House out on his bad behavior, and here I am excusing his actions in this fic. But I think you do need to make a distinction between hurtful behavior (such as tearing into his employees and sitting by himself when he should be helping with triage) and annoying behavior (such as commandeering the TV).]

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad to make you smile!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Wilson loves House so much, and vice versa. They are really lucky to have each other. Thank you.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thank you! The mental picture of House with panties on his face makes me laugh; I bet Rachel was giggling up a storm.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee -- it came to me pretty much as is, and I had to write it down. Thank you! ♥

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

The "Seriously? No" exchange has to be one of the best dialogue bits the show has created. It's just so wonderful. :D

Thank you!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

It's so sad that Doris is only writing the first episode next year. I'm worried about where the other writers will take Wilson -- nervous about him getting shoved to the background because somebody will decide that House doesn't need Wilson any more, he's got Cuddy instead. : ( I think House deserves to have both a best friend and a significant other.

[yarroway.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, this is great! I love the annoying things you have House do. And Wilson is right. Its better than the alternative.

[rincewindy13.livejournal.com]

Thanks. You made me some happy giggling camper!

[leakey-lover.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Too funny.

"Accidentally trips" is the best description ever of how House functions. And I know you did this on purpose for my birthday but don't want to admit how kind you can be. Thank you for the smiles.

[ariadnes-string.livejournal.com]

FOFL! Dildo in the menorah? Hanukah's going to roll around and I am not going to be able to get that image out of my mind *g*

Seriously, great stuff! I love the Wilson voice--patient, amused, and so loyal--

[jonne17.livejournal.com]

Aww, funny and heartwarming. Those last few lines made me melt.
I often like your Wilson better than the 'real' one. We know he has it in him, right?

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

This is perfection, truly.

And don't you think for a moment that I didn't notice he calls it the Carr-Wilson residence, putting her name first even though he owns the place.

[fleurione.livejournal.com]

heh, yes, I can see this. I love Wilson's last line too, I can hear the fond resignation in his voice too. The limping/tripping metaphor is good.

And being amused at House's antics with the thong is one of the reasons I love Wilson ;)