Meme / RL

[deelaundry]

Here is a meme what I stole from Sabine and Topaz:

Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from anything I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the character's heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.

***

Real-Life: Last night's fun things included a live concert of an awesome singer/guitarist, enjoyed with an even more awesome friend. \o/ The chairs in the venue left a little to be desired, but on the other hands, the manager gave me free chips. \o/ \o/ \o/

Comments

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

There comes a day when the prediction House’s “father” made comes true: he really is good for quite literally nothing.

This is in House's POV and he's feeling quite angry, so he puts father in quotes. We found out in ep 5-4 that John House is not House's biological father.

It's not explicitly canon, but I can definitely see John House having told Greg, more than once, "If you don't shape up, you're going to wind up a good-for-nothing!"

The next two sentences show why House has decided he's now good for nothing.

He can’t work, can’t walk, can’t wipe his own butt.

"Can't work" - So painful for House, because so much of his self-esteem is tied up in his work.
"Can't walk" - Again, extremely painful. He's an active man who enjoys being in motion. He accepted life-long leg pain in part because he wanted to ensure he could keep walking. (And in part because he's a very stubborn person.)
"Can't wipe his own butt" - The most private of activities. Poor House.

He can barely talk – can’t always think, even. Nothing.

Someone asked me what condition House had in this story. I'm not sure -- there are a number of things that could cause this kind of debilitation, and really is not important what it is. However, i will say that along with his main condition he has likely had one or more strokes. Stroke affects the brain in varied ways, and can leave the person with irregular speech ability and word recall such as House shows throughout this fic.

Of course, periodically losing the ability to think -- and being aware of that! -- is the most tragic thing for House. That's where all of his self-esteem lies. : (

He’s a lump of flesh, pain-free but utterly useless.

I snuck in "pain-free" because I wanted to give House a break! With everything else that is so distressing to him, I wanted to at least relieve his physical pain.

Given the huge hit to House's self-esteem, he's decided that now he's useless. I picked "useless" specifically -- House saying he has no use. But for House haing no use is synonymous with "worthless." He doesn't believe he can be important to someone just for existing. He doesn't believe in unconditional love. In my opinion, that is the most heartbreaking thing about House.

The entire fic is about House accepting that he is loved unconditionally, that simply being is reason enough to deserve love.

I wrote this fic because of what I've seen in canon, but also because I wanted it to be a tribute to my friends on Livejournal who struggle with disability of any kind. When there are things they can't do, they sometimes fall into the despair of thinking that means they are worthless. And I wanted to rebut that!

[hibernia1.livejournal.com]

OMG, Dee, I love you (well, I already did, but I love you even more after reading this DVD commentary). I can only speak for myself, but yeah, at times it IS very easy to only look at all the things I can't do, or can't do anymore, or miss out on, and the way I slow other people down sometimes, or how people need to make allowances, and sometimes that truly makes me feel worthless/useless. I never guessed you wrote this beautiful story to also apply to disabled people in general and I love you so much for that.

And I love reading your thoughts about this. I'm so happy you made House pain-free, and yes - losing his ability to think must be the worst torture for him. I agree that poor House doesn't believe in unconditional love, and I must say, it IS difficult to do so, but I'm glad he finally saw the light in this wonderful story.

Thanks so much for this, Dee!