Bless me, flist, for I have ficced

[deelaundry]

This doesn't have a title yet, and it's short, but I think it's done.

Huge spoilers for the Prodigal Son (play). Rated PG-13. Catholic imagery, mentions of death. I told bironic that the play would have been more interesting if it was from Alan's point of view.


"I don't want you writing about me."

If ever a set of true words came out of my mouth, those are it.

But that boy, that beautiful, brilliant b-- young man, of course he would not listen.

***

"Bless me, father, for I have sinned."

Father Lenihan blessed me. He fed me fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and I ate with the voracious hunger of the half-starved.

I ate and I was cast out of the Garden of Eden.

Father Lenihan was killed in Korea, in what the government would not call a war.

***

"I want that for you, Alan."

After I am dead, the Pope will embrace a gay Catholic and his partner on television.

After I am dead, New Hampshire will legalize same-sex marriage.

After I am dead, Grindr will have more than 5 million active users monthly.

After I am dead.

***

"He wasn't strong; you're strong."

He wasn't strong. He wasn't strong enough to lead the life we would have had to lead. To leave the life we would have had to leave. He had to leave the life he had right then.

They wouldn't bury him in sacred ground, anyway. He hid a mortal sin by committing another mortal sin, and was cast out in death.

***

"I don't know why I do the things I do."

Such a useful sentence. Utterly true, I think, when James said it. Every time James said it.

When I said it to Carl Schmitt as he looked at me with disgust... well, there are so many definitions of truth, aren't there?

Comments

[linaerys]

This is wonderful! A bit of the unreliable narrator in it. He is self-pitying and self-mythologizing, but it is still poignant. Very complex.

It would have been a better play from Alan's point of view.

I'm glad I didn't know how autobiographical it was while I was seeing it, because that would have made it truly insufferable. The playwright is so in love with his younger self, it's a little gross. It would have been a good exercise in empathy for him to try to see it from Alan's point of view.

(Great to meet you this weekend. This is my fannish identity, as you have probably surmised.)

[deelaundry]

Thanks! Alan's in a world where homosexuality is more explicitly condemned than abuse of power relationships -- what's that like for him? Is it that he wants to be a predator, or that he's convinced himself he has no other option?

In the play, we see so much regret and pain from Carl, and pretty much none from Alan. Why is that?

I'm glad I didn't know how autobiographical it was while I was seeing it, because that would have made it truly insufferable. The playwright is so in love with his younger self, it's a little gross.

I did know, and kept waiting for a twist to make it something else. :(


The playwright is so in love with his younger self, it's a little gross. 100% agreement.

Great to meet you! People keep asking me, "How was the play? Did you have a good time?" and I have to answer, "The play wasn't that good but I had a wonderful time!"

[cuddyclothes.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow!!

THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PLAY.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! There's so much that's interesting that Shanley could have explored, and didn't. :(

[vanishing-time.livejournal.com]

wow, this is powerful. i wish it was longer :)
"They wouldn't bury him in sacred ground, anyway." ouch. such lack of regret. and yet, still so much regret and grief. maybe, guilt?
they should have explored this character further.