Rose (PG-13)

[deelaundry]

Title: Rose
Author: Dee Laundry
Pairing: House/Wilson
Rating: PG-13
Words: 683
Summary: At T-minus six weeks, discussion of what is and is not perversion, plus baby names.
Notes: Sequel to Apple, in the My Fathers' Son 'verse. Takes place today (well, technically yesterday) but no spoilers past early Season Three. bringthehappy made me think of writing this. Dialogue-only. Unbetaed due to impatience; concrit welcome.

Jesus, Wilson. If any mall-related activities are necessary over the next six weeks, you're doing them on your own.

What are you talking about?

You're making me nauseated and everyone else nervous with the way you keep making goo-goo eyes at all the little kids here in the food court. Not to mention that I don't have the cash to bail you out when you get arrested on suspicion of kiddy-diddling.

First of all, you know perfectly well where the emergency bail-money fund is located, and second, and most importantly, that is utterly and completely disgusting. Pedophilia is traumatic and not to be joked about, and oh God, pedophiles. I hadn't even thought about pedophiles.

Um, that's good, right?

Great. Just great. Now on top of college tuition and BPA and childhood obesity and bullying and autism and SIDS, I'm going to worry about the baby being snatched by some crazed child-molester.

Most sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the kid knows.

Oh, that's very comforting. Thank you. Now I get to worry about who at the hospital is a pervert.

Nicholson.

She's a drag king, not a pedophile.

Still perverted.

Oh, please. Like you weren't drooling profusely when she did the Johnny Cash lip-synch at the holiday party.

I'm not complaining about her being a pervert. Why are you worried about autism?

What?

In the litany of worrywart's warted worries, you listed autism. Why?

Advanced paternal age has been shown to be a factor in likelihood of autism.

Larry King advanced paternal age. Hugh Hefner advanced paternal age.

According to the studies, anything after the age of forty --

Genetic predisposition is a much more contributive factor, and despite the wool you pulled over Cuddy's eyes a few years back, we both know I don't have autism. Can't think of anyone in my family who has the constellation of behaviors. Assholishness, on the other hand... you might want to start worrying about that.

Acting like a jerk is a lifestyle choice for you, not a congenital disorder.

It is a congenial disorder, though.

Along with paronomania.

What?

'Paronomasia' is the use of puns and wordplay; so paronomania would be --

Pathological excitement about wordplay. You know that you're as bad as I am, right?

The baby's doomed.

Probably, but not because of that. Why haven't you picked a name yet?

It's a big decision, permanent. It'll affect his whole life. It has to be perfect.

Permanent, uh huh. Except that it can be changed formally by legal decree at any time you want, and informally will probably be mutilated by nickname at least a dozen times before he reaches the age of eighteen, at which time he'll probably re-name himself Adolf Charles Manson Gacy Dahmer just to piss you off.

'Charles.' That's another name to scratch off the list.

You've got six weeks until he's born, maybe less, and your mother wants to engrave that whoziwhatsit with a name. So pick something and be done with it.

Well, maybe I would've found the right name by now if you'd given me some suggestions.

I gave you suggestions.

I am not naming my son Rod, Dick, Willie, Peter, Randy, Roger, or Woody.

Woodrow is a presidential name.

Woodrow Wilson, yeah, got it. No.

Pudd'n'head?

No, and not Mookie, either. Something simple but upbeat. Positive. Confident. Classic.

Woodrow.

No.

Grover.

The purple muppet?

The president. Cleveland. Only US president to serve non-consecutive terms.

No. Simple. Normal.

Boring.

Classic.

Sticking to the presidential theme, if you want confident, simple, and boring, there's always Kennedy.

Kennedy's a girl's name.

Not 'Kennedy.' Jack.

Jack. Hm.

A smiling all-American charmer with blowdried hair who boinked Marilyn Monroe behind his wife's back.

And accomplished great things while being in near-constant pain. Yeah, I think that might work.

He had a funny accent, too.

Too bad neither of us have an accent.

I can do a British one.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

I've heard it; it's terrible.

Can you spare a ha-penny, Guvner?

That's it. Let's go home.

Best idea you've had all day... Dad.

Soon, House. Soon.

Comments

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

Tell me, are you planning on writing anything else in this 'verse in the present day, as it were?

I know more than a few paronomaniacs; good to finally have a word for them.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't know if there'll be any more present-day ficlets for this 'verse or not. : ) All depends on whether I get inspired.

"Paronomasia" is a pretty cool word. I had fun playing with it. Ha!

[bironic.livejournal.com]

Aww with the JFK resonances.

Also, Adolf Charles Manson Gacy Dahmer is the best name ever.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I hadn't known until very recently that JFK had terrible back pain for most of his adult life. They were talking about him on the radio (PBS?) and how he "bedded women even when he could barely get himself into bed." Heh.

Thanks.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Aw, that's all kinds of adorable!

"I can do a British accent." Heh.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! : )

[xaipw.livejournal.com]

"paronomasia"

Such a great word! I enjoyed reading this --cheered me up!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Some cheer is sorely needed tonight, isn't it? *hugs* Thanks.

[lana-ftw.livejournal.com]

Loved this!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

YAY! Thanks.

[shenth.livejournal.com]

You definitely brought that happy with this. Thanks for sharing!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading! :D

[cindy-lou-who8.livejournal.com]

:) I loved this, and this verse is still one of my favorites.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Glad to give you a smile : ) Thanks!

[cielo-claro.livejournal.com]

Wonderful banter! (:
And I loved the presidential themed names.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

It started with Woodrow Wilson, then I thought of Jack Kennedy, and then I had to throw in a shout-out to Grover Cleveland (did a report on him way back in elementary school). Heh. Thanks!

[photoash.livejournal.com]

I love this :) thank you for writing more in this verse!! :D

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I love writing more in this verse :D

[photoash.livejournal.com]

Waaaa your icon!!! :D

I hope you are inspired to write more (especially in the happy time period)!

Still want to cry for Wilson :(
he wore his special tie *sob*

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, hee! Here is my other Jack icon.


Wilson was buried with that tie. :(

[photoash.livejournal.com]

*sob sob* you are going to make me cry :( *cuddles Wilson*
are you going to write about that?

(awww on icon)

[magie-05.livejournal.com]

YAY MFS-VERSE FIC. MY DAY IS MADE <3

Also, WORD GEEKERY omg marry me <3

The presidential name-ideas were awesome :) I adore Jack's name - 's perfect somehow.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Isn't "paronomasia" an awesome word? SO COOL. We should make a comm with that name. <3 <3 <3

What Wilson wanted in a baby name (simple, classic, upbeat, confident... and the trait he didn't verablize here: unobtrusive) had always been in mind for me way back to writing the first draft of MFS. The Kennedy connection came much later. : )

Thanks!

[poeia.livejournal.com]

Adorable. Did you have JFK in mind when you originally named Jack?

I loved the And accomplished great things while being in near-constant pain. parallel Wilson makes between House and Kennedy.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I didn't have JFK specifically in mind when I named Jack, although what Wilson wanted in a baby name -- simple, classic, upbeat, confident... and the trait he didn't verablize here: unobtrusive -- was. I also liked how it's related to "John" but can also stand on its own; echoes of House's complicated relationship with his father (even before we heard what we did in Seasons 3-5).

I learned about Kennedy's problems with back pain only in the past week. I had already thought of the charming/philandering connection to Wilson, but the parallel to House popped up as I was writing. : )

[poeia.livejournal.com]

Kennedy wore a back brace. There is a possibility that's why he died. The first shot hit him in the back and the one that killed him hit his head. If he were not wearing the brace, the first shot might have caused his to fall over and, as a result, the second shot might not have hit him.

"What ifs" are fascinating.

[layne67.livejournal.com]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! This is brilliantly funny and hee, House doing a British accent? LOL

*LOVES*

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! House did a British accent in one of the S1 episodes. It was awful and therefore very funny. :D

[daisylily.livejournal.com]

I love this so much - it's such a happy fic. I read it once, then re-read with my beta hat on, and can't see any typos or anything.

I would quote my favourite bits at you, but that would mean pretty much the whole thing (OK, a couple - 'congenial disorder' and 'In the litany of worrywart's warted worries') and definitely the puns XD

*memmage as usual*

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I specifically thought of you when the "worrywart's warted worries" line came to me. Hee! I'd wanted to send this to you for beta but I got too impatient.

Thanks!

[jihime47.livejournal.com]

Read it. Loved it. Read all MFS-verse fics. Still crying.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Aw, they're not all sad! OK, most of them are, at least a little bit. Kind of strange that a kidfic 'verse is almost the angstiest H/W 'verse I've written. Hmm.

Thanks.

[chocolate-frapp.livejournal.com]

this is very cute.
Hugh Hefner has a kid? that's disturbing.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I don't know if Hef has a kid or not, but a few years ago his very young girlfriend wanted to have a baby by him. *shudder*

[hibernia1.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww it's adorable and yet totally in character, I love it. Thanks so much for sharing, it made me happy!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

So glad to make you happy! Thanks!

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

Perfect! I loved it! This makes me smile!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! So glad to give you a smile!

[perspi.livejournal.com]

AAAWWWW, Dee, this is really quite fabulous. *GRINS SO BIG*

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

YAY so glad you liked it! *hugs* Thanks.

[mer-duff.livejournal.com]

Heh - Kennedy is a great way to combine House and Wilson, and I love where each of their priorities are :) Very sweet, and very happy!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks! The Kennedy-Wilson parallel occurred to me some time ago, and then the parallel to House came up while I was writing. :D Such a fun connection.

[srsly-yes.livejournal.com]

Oopsie! Fell behind in my reading and almost missed this one. Absolutely charming. Wanted the story to keep on going and never reach the six-hundred and eighty-third word.

[indigo-inferno.livejournal.com]

LOL about the accent, teehee! XD
And all over lovely, just sayin' .. XD