House in Menopause (PG)

[deelaundry]

Not posted to comms

Title: House in Menopause
Author: Dee Laundry
Characters: House, Wilson, Cameron, Foreman, Chase, Cuddy
Rating: PG
Words: 205
Notes: Gender switch scene (all characters born opposite gender) written for Djinn on 9/9/06.

They were in House’s office, listening to her shoot down every potential patient, when Wilson stuck her head in the door. House immediately turned and reached in a bottom desk drawer.

“House, do you have a -”

The tampon struck Wilson in the chest and she fumbled a bit before grabbing it.

“Thanks,” she said and was gone.

“How did you know what she wanted?” Cameron asked, surprised.

“Our cycles have been synchronized for more years than I care to count. No idea what she’s going to do when I hit menopause.”

Chase shuddered. “House in menopause. It’s horrible to contemplate.”

A self-satisfied smirk settled on House’s face. “Menopause. The world’s best excuse for middle-aged bitchiness. I’m thinking I can stretch it out ten, maybe twelve years. With any luck, Cuddy’ll take me off clinic duty altogether.”

Foreman shook her head. “Tell me again how you got this job?”

“I slept with the Dean of Medicine.”

“Stop telling people that, House,” Cuddy commented as he walked in the door.

“What? I’d think having a fetish for older women would be less damaging to your reputation than the rumor that you’re gay.”

“Another rumor that you started. Knock if off. I’ve got a case for you.”

Comments

[hibernia1.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, SO funny! House and Wilson with synchronized cycles - why does that make perfect sense?? Perfect thinking, Dee!! Thanks for sharing!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks! : )

[phinnia.livejournal.com]

<3 <3 so much win.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[taiga13.livejournal.com]

It makes perfect sense that House and Wilson's cycles would be synchronized. Women who spend a lot of time together have synchronized cycles, it's a proven fact. I used to be synchronized with my female co-workers at my one job when we all worked together every day.
I have trouble picturing the cast as opposite genders, I really do.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I had a hard time picturing a woman pulling off House's character until I remembered Stockard Channing (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000330/). Every character I've seen her play kicks ass and takes names. Other actresses I could picture include Rosanna Arquette (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000275/) or a brunette Rebecca de Mornay (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000360/).

For Wilson, what about RSL's Married to It co-star Mary Stuart Masterson (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000524/)? Or Ally Sheedy (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000639/).

For Cuddy, Scott Foley (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004930/) or Gil Bellows (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004743/)?

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Heh. It makes my brain go all bendy, trying to picture them all as opposite of their canon genders. I mean -- what would they even look like? Foreman as a girl? I mean ... I can't see the shaved head look being a good idea, and ...

But. This is still a fun thing, and made me smile.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Remember this is an AU in which everyone was born the opposite gender from canon. Foreman wouldn't have a shaved head; she'd probably have very gorgeous hair that she changed the style of frequently.

For House, I picture Rosanna Arquette (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000275/). Other suggestions were a brunette Rebecca de Mornay (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000360/) or Rachel Griffiths (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0341737/). Or Stockard Channing (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000330/) would be awesome.

For Wilson, what about RSL's Married to It co-star Mary Stuart Masterson (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000524/)? Or Ally Sheedy (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000639/).

For Cuddy, Scott Foley (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004930/) or Gil Bellows (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004743/)?

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

My guess is that'd be when the "must get pregnant" plot would hit the show, except it'd be Wilson instead of Cuddy. Technically, neither of them would be menstruating at that time...

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

House hitting menopause would definitely get Wilson's "biological clock" screaming in alarm, wouldn't it? Huh. I think the family history of mental illness might weigh on Wilson's mind, though.

It's very interesting to think about!

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

This is assuming she hasn't had a kid with one of her husbands yet...also assuming she's been married three times. She might have made her peace with not producing kids, like House presumably has, or she might want someone to raise even if they didn't come out of her.

Then again, it's your story: what do you think?

[megami-selene.livejournal.com]

"someone to raise"? That would so be House. lol.

Great little fic. I would love to see more :D

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's more to this but I've learned never to say never. Thanks.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

This is all I ever wrote in this story. It's hard for me to say what female Wilson would think about having a child, because I don't know why male Wilson hasn't had one.

I think I mentioned that I have the outline of a 'verse in my head in which everyone's their canon gender except Wilson is a woman. I know what that Wilson thinks about kids (she wants to have House's), but this Wilson, I don't know.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

now that would be a fascinating story O_O do you think you'll ever write it?

and I like this little ficlet :) I can't believe I missed reading some of your fic when you posted it!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't know if I'll write the 'verse or not. If I do, it'll follow the plots of the canon episodes to examine how it changes when Wilson is a woman... and with one change to backstory: she's House's ex-wife (divorced before House met Stacy).

[photoash.livejournal.com]

*jaw drops* House's ex-wife O_O ... *sputters* waaaa you can't just drop a bomb like that and leave it O_O how did that happen?!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

They fell in love pretty much the moment they met in New Orleans. As soon as Wilson's divorce from husband number one was final, they eloped.

Should I give away the rest of the backstory? OK.

A few years later, Wilson cheated on House. She didn't mean to (one of those "needing neediness" moments), and she regretted it immediately, but House couldn't forgive her. He tossed her out and divorced her.

"Bobby" was Wilson's rebound relationship, and she married him pretty quickly, even though she was still in love with House.

Then House met and moved in with Stacy, and with that relationship being so solid, he was able to forgive Wilson enough to become friends again.

After the infarction, with House's relationship with Stacy getting rocky, Wilson spent more and more time with them, and then with House after Stacy left, which broke up her marriage with Bobby.

Wilson wanted to get back together with House, but House refused. Also at this point, Wilson was up for the Oncology Department Head position and doesn't get it. When canon starts, she's a Senior Attending, but not a department head.

After House started to get better, Wilson started dating Julian, and married him.

Then we hit the canon episodes.

[photoash.livejournal.com]

OMG she cheated on house?!!?! Waaaa this sounds so fantastic Dee O_O I hope you decide to write it!! (heck even just vignette's of the highlights of the past here you outlined would be fantastic :D)

[shutterbug-12.livejournal.com]

LOL That's hilarious. Even with your cast suggestions, it's so hard to picture them all in the opposite gender. But, damn, their attitudes really would be about the same, and I love the synchronization of House and Wilson's cycles. I'm not sure if it's some kind of scientific fact (never checked), but I've found it to be true. Happened with my sister growing up, and my college roommate.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

It would be very interesting to see how a female House got along in the world. My suspicion is that she'd get away with a lot less.

Or maybe not. thedeadparrot has a great fic The One Where House Has Always Been a Woman (http://thedeadparrot.com/fiction/story/house/the-one-where-house-has-always-been-a-woman). It doesn't go into the professional side, but it's pretty damn amazing.

[pinglederry.livejournal.com]

Or maybe more, but differently. I see her as being much more deviously manipulative, because that strikes me as how she would've gotten things out of her dad growing up. Society seems to do pretty well teaching guys to be demanding and up-front and confrontational and then teaching girls to manipulate. I can imagine House as the head of the gossip market, a master blackmailer (both like on the show), and a total flirt who is more subtle about getting everybody to giver her what she wants.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Very... Amber-like?

Heh. I actually thought Amber was her own kind of awesome, not "House in a skirt," but the differences between her aggression and House's are no doubt in part due to societal influences on gender-appropriate behavior.

[remydoodle.livejournal.com]

LOL this was great!!!!
I had no problem visualizing them with their gender switched!!!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Menopause has real, serious effects on women... and House would milk it as much as possible! :D Thanks.

[xfirefly9x.livejournal.com]

Heh.

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

[daisylily.livejournal.com]

LOL!

House in menopause would be hilarious - especially if he really did get mood swings and nobody believed he wasn't putting them on...

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

It could definitely turn into a "boy who cried wolf" scenario. Heh. *hugs*

[bell]

*BEAMS* Not just the concept is brilliant, but so are the lines. And Wilson and House having synchronized periods. And House using menopause as a bitchiness excuse. And House throwing a tampon at Wilson.

I remember Djinn talking about the idea of a born-opposite-gender AU. I loved the idea then, I love the idea now, and would be happy to see more of it. <3

[Djinn has been all vanished lately, hasn't she?]

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. The concept is all Djinn; she spent a lot of time thinking about the born-opposite-gender AU but never posted any passages. : ( I found this little scene while cleaning up some stuff on my LJ.

I haven't spoken to Djinn in quite a while, and I miss her.

[katie310117.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's like... transfixing or something. I love it, I just read it twice. I would love more! Please?

[deelaundry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't think there's any more from this 'verse -- but I like examining gender roles so there may be something similar in the future.