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Apr. 1st, 2007 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deelaundrySO THIS DING-DONG I KNOW WHO DOESN'T HAVE AN LJ FOUND THE FANFIC CHALLENGE THAT POLLY STARTED AND BEGGED ME TO PUT THIS UP. I DISCLAIM ANY RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF HE WASN'T SO GOOD AT, EHEM, INTIMATE ORAL ACTIVITIES I'D DUMP HIS ASS IN A SECOND.
TITLE: A GREAT DAY AT PPTH
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: STUFF THAT HAPPENS IN THE HOSPITAL FROM HOUSE MD
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I LOVE TO WRITE, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING A FANFIC 100. IT WAS SUPER HARD TO GET ALL 100 THINGS IN THE SAME STORY.
PLACES WHERE CROSS-POSTED: NOWHERE YET
YOUR OWN FEELINGS ABOUT THE QUALITY OF THE STORY ALONG WITH SAID PIECE OF WRITING: GREAT!
DR. LISA CUDDY WAS NOT HAPPY. “CUDDLES!” GREG HAD CALLED HER IN HIS SNARKY WAY. SHE WAS TIRED OF HIS SNARKALICIOUS SNARK. IT MADE HER FACE GO LIKE THIS: @_@
AND CAMERON TOO. THAT GIRL, WITH HER SQUEES AND TEARS, IT JUST WAS CRAZY. CUDDY TOLD THE MYSTERIOUS NEW PATIENT ALL ABOUT IT.
“I KNOW,” SAID THE MYSTERIOUS NEW PATIENT. “I’VE ONLY BEEN HERE A FEW HOURS, BUT ALREADY I KNOW THAT EVERYONE HATES CAMERON.” THIS PATIENT WAS A VERY CUTE BOY; HE LOOKED ALMOST LIKE A CHIBI.
CUDDY DID A *FACEPALM*. “MOST OF OUR DOCTORS ARE VERY GOOD,” SHE SAID.
“I HEARD THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE AN MPREG HERE,” HE REPLIED. “I HOPE THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN TO ME.”
“OH, NO, NO, NO,” CUDDY SAID. “I MEAN, SOMETIMES DR. WILSON CRIES TOO MUCH, BUT THAT’S JUST BECAUSE HE’S A SENSITIVE SOUL, NOT BECAUSE HE’S PREGNANT. I THINK.”
THE PATIENT MADE A FACE LIKE THIS: ^____^ AND SAID, “I WAS JUST KIDDING!”
VERY EMBARRASSED, CUDDY DID A *HEADDESK* EXCEPT THERE WASN’T A DESK IN THE ROOM SO SHE KNOCKED HER HEAD AGAINST THE BEDSIDE TABLE.
LITTLE DID SHE KNOW THAT ELSEWHERE IN THE HOSPITAL, CHASE'S LOVE FLOWER WAS BEING GIVEN UP IN HOT, SEXY CANE SEX WITH A CHARACTER FROM LOST. IT WAS A LITTLE PAINFUL BUT THEN HARRY POTTER CAME IN WITH HIS WAND AND MADE CHASE FEEL MUCH BETTER. WHICH WAS WEIRD. THAT WAS PROBABLY A DREAM.
“DO YOU LIKE NARUTO?” CHASE ASKED THE CHARACTER FROM LOST. “I’M REALLY INTO THAT.”
“NOT SO MUCH,” THE PERSON SAID, “BUT I REALLY LIKE STAR TREK. SPACE IS JUST THE COOLEST!”
“OH, I THINK SO TOO,” CHASE SAID. THEY WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM TOGETHER HAPPILY. “BUT I REALLY WANT TO GO ON AMERICAN IDOL.”
THEY STARTED SINGING SONGS TOGETHER. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS REALLY SPRINGTIME, CHASE STARTED SINGING THE SONG SUMMERTIME BY KENNY CHESNEY, NOT THE ONE BY GHOSTFACE KILLAH. THEN THE OTHER PERSON YELLED, “HAMMERTIME!” AND THEY DANCED THAT FUNNY WEIRD DANCE.
CHASE WAS GOOD AT DANCING, BETTER THAN FOREMAN, WHICH HE HAD FOUND OUT LAST WINTERTIME AT THE PPTH WINTER DANCE. FOREMAN HAD BEEN VERY EMBARRASED IN FRONT OF HIS EX BOY/GIRL FRIEND (CHASE STILL WASN’T SURE WHICH EVEN THOUGH FOREMAN SAID, “I’M NOT GAY!” ABOUT 1000 TIMES PER DAY. WILSON SAID THAT TOO, AND EVERYBODY KNEW ABOUT HIM. ~_O)
JUST THEN ANOTHER PATIENT STOPPED IN THE HALL AND YELLED. “OW, MY LEG IS REALLY HURTING!” CHASE RUSHED TO HER SIDE.
“IT’S OK,” HE REASSURED HER, “I KNOW ALL ABOUT HEALING. DOES YOUR KNEE HURT OR YOUR FOOT?”
“IN BETWEEN,” SHE SAID.
CHASE STOPPED WILSON, WHO WAS WALKING BY THEN. “DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE CANCER?”
“I DON'T KNOW,” WILSON SAID, AND CHASE REALIZED IT WAS REALLY DUMB TO ASK WILSON, BECAUSE ONLY HOUSE COULD DO A CORRECT DIAGNOSIS IN THE WHOLE HOSPITAL. CHASE WAS GETTING PRETTY GOOD, THOUGH, AND MANY OF HIS TRIES WERE ALMOST CORRECT. HE FOUND THE KEY WAS TO PRACTICE; SOMETIMES CAMERON WOULD ROLEPLAY WITH HIM.
MEANWHILE, IN THE CLINIC, CAMERON AND FOREMAN WERE TALKING. “I’M BORED,” SAID CAMERON. “LET'S GO TO JAPAN.”
“WHAT, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GROW A PAIR OF WINGS JUST BY MAGIC?” FOREMAN REPLIED.
“CAN I HAS WINGS?” CAMERON SAID. “THAT’S ALMOST AS FUNNY AS THE THOUGHT OF YOU WEARIN' A DRESS,” SHE SAID WITH A GIGGLE.
FOREMAN GLARED AT HER. “I’M NOT GAY!” HE YELLED. “I ONLY WENT TO THAT SISSY PLAY ‘THE ENDINGS’ BECAUSE CHASE MADE ME! I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT SPACE.”
“YEAH, THE SPACE BETWEEN A MAN’S BUTT CHEEKS,” CAMERON SAID.
FOREMAN FROWNED AGAIN. “YOU ARE SO OBSCENE,” HE REPLIED, AND WALKED AWAY THROUGH THE DOOR MARKED *G*.
CAMERON JUST LAUGHED TO HERSELF AND LEFT TO FIND HOUSE. SHE WANTED TO SHOW HIM SOME VALENTINES THE LITTLE CANCER KIDS HAD MADE A WHILE BACK.
HOUSE WAS SITTING IN THE CAFETERIA READING A BOOK.
“WHAT’S THAT BOOK?” CAMERON ASKED.
“IT’S CALLED, ‘RELIGION LOST AND FOUND,’” HOUSE REPLIED. CAMERON’S FACE WAS SURPRISED LIKE THIS: o.O
HOUSE LAUGHED. IT WAS JUST A SILLY KIDS’ BOOK, ABOUT TWO DUCKLINGS WHO WENT BACK IN TIME AND MET A WOMBAT AND HIS HOBO BROTHER. THE BROTHER GOT MAD A LOT, AND HIS FURY MADE HIS HEAD GET RED AND STEAMY. THE FURRY WOMBAT WAS HILARIOUS TOO, WITH HIS SCARS AND LAZY EYE.
CAMERON’S BLUE EYES FLASHED. SHE THOUGHT HOUSE WAS LAUGHING AT HER, WHEN REALLY HE WAS LAUGHING AT HIS FUNNY BOOK.
“CAMERON, DO YOU BELIEVE IN TIME TRAVEL?” ASKED HOUSE.
CAMERON SHOOK HER HEAD AND SAID, “YOU SERIOUSLY NEED THERAPY, HOUSE.”
LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT CHASE HAD FOUND OUT THE PATIENT WITH THE LEG PAIN HAD AIDS. THE PATIENT’S FACE TURNED A VERY PALE BEIGE AT THIS NEWS, AND SHE RAN UP TO THE HOSPITAL ROOF. SHE WAS TEETERING ON THE EDGE OF THE ROOF WHEN CHASE CAUGHT UP TO HER.
“DON’T DO IT!!!” HE YELLED. HE WAS SO, SO SCARED.
THE PATIENT WAS CRYING. “WHAT DO I HAVE TO LIVE FOR?” SHE ASKED.
“UM,” CHASE SAID. HE DIDN’T KNOW THIS PATIENT, BUT THEN HE HAD A GREAT IDEA. “ROADTRIP! THOSE ARE ALWAYS FUN.”
“YEAH,” SHE SCOFFED. “LONG LINES AND AM TALK RADIO; REAL FUN.”
CHASE THOUGHT ABOUT OTHER THINGS THIS YOUNG WOMAN MIGHT LIKE. “MAKEOVER? SLEEPOVER? KITTEN ADOPTION?”
THE PATIENT SCOFFED. “MY MARRIAGE IS OVER, AND YOU THINK WE COULD ADOPT A KITTEN TOGETHER? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING BUT HAIR CARE?”
CHASE FROWNED. HIS HAIR WAS FABULOUS, TRUE, BUT IT DIDN’T MEAN HE WASN’T A SERIOUS PERSON AND A GOOD DOCTOR.
MEANWHILE, HOUSE WALKED INTO THE LOCKER ROOM AND FOUND WILSON THERE, CHANGING OUT OF CLOTHES COVERED IN PUCE PUKE.
“HOW EMBARASSING!” HOUSE LAUGHED.
“YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,” WILSON SAID AS HE STRIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT. “IT’S JUST LIKE THAT OLD SONG: SECRET PAIN, FROM SECRET LOVERS, HIDDEN DEEP IN MY SOUL; ANARCHY WOUNDS ME IN UNEXPECTED WAYS.”
HOUSE STARED AT WILSON LIKE WILSON WAS CRAZY. WHICH HE WAS. “WHAT KIND OF SONG IS THAT?”
“IT’S A GREAT SONG!” WILSON INSISTED. HE WAS PULLING HIS PANTS OFF NOW, BUT THEY WERE STUCK ON HIS SHOES. HE HAD TO SIT ON THE FLOOR TO GET THEM OFF.
“IT’S NOT BY THE WHO, SO I DON’T LIKE IT,” HOUSE REPLIED.
WILSON WAS DOWN TO HIS BRIEFS NOW. “IT’S GOT A GREAT START, AND THE MIDDLE IS BETTER THAN MOST SONGS’ MIDDLES.”
“IS THE ENDING BETTER THAN MOST SONGS’ ENDINGS?” HOUSE ASKED SARCASTICALLY.
WILSON TOOK OFF HIS UNDERWEAR. HE WAS STANDING NAKED IN FRONT OF HOUSE, BUT HE WASN’T EMBARRASSED AT ALL. “YOU CAN START YOUR BEGGINGS NOW,” HE SAID.
HOUSE ROLLED HIS EYES. “YEAH, RIGHT. DO I LOOK LIKE FOREMAN?”
LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT CHASE WAS STILL TRYING TO CONVINCE THE PATIENT ON THE ROOF THAT THERE WAS A LOT TO LIVE FOR.
“SUNSETS! STARS! THE SUGARHIGH YOU GET FROM PIXIE STICKS! EXPLORATION!”
THE PATIENT SHRUGGED. “I DO LIKE SPELUNKING.”
SMILING, CHASE REACHED OUT TO TOUCH THE WOMAN’S HAND. “DON’T SACRIFICE YOURSELF. YOU STILL HAVE A SONG TO SING.”
THE PATIENT ROLLED HER EYES AND WALKED PAST HIM, DOWN THE STAIRS.
MEANWHILE, FOREMAN WAS HIDING IN A SUPPLY CLOSET. HE WAS LOOKING THROUGH A NAIL POLISH CATALOG, CHOOSING COLORS TO TRY. “AZTEC GOLD, GORGEOUS. OOH, BEAST WITHIN! DIDN’T I ALREADY ORDER THAT? NO, THAT’S RIGHT, I PUT DOWN THE INCORRECT ORDER NUMBER AND THEY SENT ME HIGHSCHOOL PINK INSTEAD. IN THE FUTURE, I SHOULD JUST ORDER ON THE INTERNET.”
LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT CUDDY ADORED ‘HIGHSCHOOL PINK’ AND WAS WEARING IT AT THAT MOMENT. THE MYSTERIOUS NEW PATIENT WAS FEELING MUCH BETTER, AND SO ALL WAS HAPPY.
“CAN I LEAVE THE HOSPITAL TOMORROW?” THE CHIBI-LIKE BOY ASKED. “I HAVE A LOT TO DO. FOR SCHOOL, I HAVE A REPORT ON ANCIENT EGYPT. MY SWEET LITTLE NEOPETS PET NEEDS MY ATTENTION. OH, YEAH, AND FOR SCHOOL I ALSO HAVE TO WRITE AN ESSAY.”
“ON WHAT?” CUDDY REPLIED.
“WRITER'S CHOICE” THE BOY SAID.
“WRITER'S CHOICE?” CUDDY ASKED.
“WRITER'S CHOICE,” HE SAID AGAIN.
“WRITER'S CHOICE?” HOUSE CALLED FROM THE HALLWAY.
“WRITER'S CHOICE!” THE BOY YELLED. “AND WHY ARE YOUR CLOTHES ALL WET?”
END
END
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