MST: Ketamine and Wedding Bells?

[deelaundry]

The fic is House/Cam, with this chapter being a re-writing of the Season 2 closer, "No Reason."  The MST is, um, weird.  Wilson and Cameron kind of ran away with this one...

House, Wilson, Chase, Cameron, Foreman, and Cuddy are all in the diagnostics conference room.

 

Cuddy: Why are we all here?

Foreman: That’s a question for the ages.

Cuddy: I mean, in this room, today?

All: Umm…

House: No idea.

MST-Author: OK, OK, I admit it; I can’t think of a frame for this MST.

Wilson: Frame?

Cameron: MST?

MST-Author: Just read the bad!fic, all right?

 

Summery: one year in the future, did the ketamine work. Are there going to be wedding bells heard soon?

 

Foreman: First sentence in, and already we have a misspelling, a mis-capitalization, and a mis-punctuation.

Cuddy: And what do wedding bells have to do with ketamine? *sighs* Wedding bells…

Cameron: Auditory hallucinations are not a good sign.

 

Pairing: Greg/Allison (like there is any other for this group)

 

Chase: What about Robert/Allison? We’re the only ones who’ve actually kissed.

Wilson: Um…

House:  They're not your wives; you don't have to tell.

Foreman: Don’t forget Eric/Wendy.

Cuddy: And Lisa/Michael.

House: What?!?

Cuddy: Nothing!

 

Spoilers: “No Reason”

 

Foreman: Well, at least the author was upfront about the lack of reason.

House: Michael?!?

Cuddy: Um, it’s a very common first name for men.

 

Chapter 1

 

Cameron’s POV

 

Dear Journal,

 

Chase: Oh, c’mon, author. Go whole hog and make it “Dear Diary.”

Wilson: “Whole hog” and Cameron just don’t seem to mix.

Cameron: Is that a crack at my weight?

Wilson: Well…

Cameron: Watch yourself and your “pig-covered body.”

Wilson: House! You said you wouldn’t tell anybody about that fic! Wait, where did House go?

 

The recent patient is getting better. Chase and Forman are at lunch.

 

Foreman: It’s Foreman with an “E”!

 

Greg is in his office. I still can’t believe that it has been one year since House was shot. I still can’t believe that that really happened. I remember it like yesterday.

 

Flashback:

 

Chase: Very helpful of you to label that in your journal, Cameron. Because “I remember it like yesterday” wasn’t enough of a lead-in.

Wilson: And if that wasn’t there, you’re certainly not smart enough to recognize the transition.

Cameron: You are working my last nerve, Tubby!

Wilson: What? I was being sarcastic! You’re the most intelligent woman in the hospital!

Cuddy: Hey!

Wilson: *nervously* You’re smart, too. What’s more, you’ve got street smarts. And a scary whip.

 

Forman had just left the building. (I know that this didn’t really happen in the episode but it happens in my story)

 

Foreman: Cameron, you’re making up reality again?

Cameron: If House can do it with that robot-sex thing, I don’t see why I can’t.   Oh and remind me to call the police. That robot keeps calling and asking me out, and it’s getting creepy, so I’m going to get a restraining order.

Cuddy: I’ll call for you!

Cameron: Why?
Cuddy: It’s just, um, as your boss’s boss, I feel I should help you in your time of need.

Cameron: *skeptically confused* Uh huh.

 

when this guy just barges in to the room. He starts saying quite loudly that he wanted to talk to House. Forman must have not gone that far because I could see him through the wall separating the room from the hall.

 

Foreman: FOREMAN WITH AN “E”!

 

I take a look at Chase and he just shrugs his shoulders. I hear House say something about chocolates.

 

Foreman: Is that a racial thing, Cameron?
Wilson: It’s got to be. Certainly can’t be Cameron actually thinking about food.

Cameron: Oh, that’s it, Pillsbury Doughboy! You and me, outside, now!

Chase: Careful, Cameron, he might sit on you and break you in half.

Cameron & Wilson: HEY!

 

I take a look towards the two of them and now the guy has as gun pointed to House. He pulls the trigger once, and House goes down. I start to get up but then the guy goes and points the gun towards me and Chase. He says, “You two move or say anything he will die.” He points the gun back at House. I sit back down very nervous. I take a look back at the wall, Forman is not there, I hope that hew went to get help. I hear the guy say, “Now, you shall suffer.” and he shot Greg again. he then ran out of the room. I stand right up and ran to where House was laying. One wound to the stomach and another to the neck. Chase thrusts a pair of gloves and a huge wad of gauze into my hands. I start putting pressure to the neck wound. I barely hear Chase yell for help. I just pay attention to the blood starting to seep through my fingers. Minutes seemed like hours, the pool of blood under my boss grew and grew. Forman comes running into the room with a nurse and an orderly with a gurney behind him. I hold House’s head as the boys pick him up and lay him on the gurney. The elevator ride was so slow; it took forever to get down to the ground floor ER. I hear Chase telling the ER doctors about what happened. House wakes up for like two seconds and says to me, “Tell Cuddy to give me ketamine. Them he lost conscious again. Forman had to physically pull me away from the gurney for the other doctors can do their job.

 

Chase: Thanks for all your help with the crazy gunman, Foreman.  Foreman?

Foreman:

Chase: Foreman?

Cuddy: Catatonic state due to lack of paragraphing.

Chase: The last time this happened, weren’t you affected too?

Cuddy: Oh, I wasn’t paying attention to the bad!fic today. Too busy thinking. Mmm… handcuffs… playing good cop/bad cop…

Chase: Snap out of it!

Cuddy: Oh! Thanks. Where are Wilson and Cameron?

Chase: Cat fight on the balcony.

Cuddy: I thought Cameron was over House.

Chase: She is. They’re fighting about a weight thing.

Cuddy: *shakes head* Pudge is going to snap her like a twig.

 

End of flashback

 

Chase: Again with the helpful labeling.

 

I told Cuddy what he had said to me, after she told the anesthesiologist to use ketamine, she informed me on the German study on helping chronic pain by putting the patient into a coma for awhile.

 

Cuddy: Run-on!

Foreman: Preposition misuse!

Cuddy: And “a while” is two words.

Foreman: Cuddy, you are some kind of woman! If I wasn’t dating Wendy…

Cuddy: Sorry, my boyfriend’s the jealous type. And you wouldn’t believe how far he’ll go when he’s got a grudge.

 

I hoped she hoped we all hoped that the treatment would work.

 

Cameron: That’s kind of a cute literary device at the beginning of that sentence.

Foreman: Too bad the commas are missing.

Chase: Are you OK, Cameron? Where’s Wilson?
Cameron: I wiped the floor with his cottage-cheese ass and sent him crying home to Mama.

 

Three days after the surgery he woke up. It took awhile to find out if the treatment did work because of the pain from the surgery. But from the beginning House knew the pain was not from his thigh.

 

Chase: With ketamine, if the patient is reporting lack of pain, then the treatment worked.

Cuddy: Expecting a bad!fic to get the medicine right is like expecting to find true love in the hospital. Oh, wait, that latter one did happen – hm, I have to get a new simile.

Chase: Wait, what was that?

Cuddy: Nothing; never mind.

 

And it happened it was two says after he woke up, I thought that he was asleep and I had said I love you to him. And he wasn’t asleep he was awake so he opened his eyes and said to me, “I love you too Allison.” he said my name and said that he loves me all in the same sentence.

 

Cuddy: That is quite the mess of nonsense, grammar-wise.

Chase: And characterization-wise.

Cameron: *gagging violently*

Foreman: *holding Cameron’s hair back as she leans over the trash can*

 

He was in the hospital for three more weeks after that all the nurses knew that they were never to come to his private room and I was almost always there.

 

Chase: Why aren’t the nurses allowed in House’s room?

Cuddy: There’s a nursing shortage. I’ve got to hang onto every single one I’ve got, so no way am I having them interact with cabin-fever House. You guys have to do the nursing for him.

Wilson: I call sponge baths!

Cameron: *glaring* I thought I told you to stay out of the conference room.

Wilson: Oh, please, like I’m listening to you, Twiggy.

 

After he was discharged from the hospital I had moved into his house. In the first month Greg had to still walk with the cane, just for him to get used to having the weight and no pain. He so didn’t like going to PT. though.

 

Wilson: Having the weight?

Cameron: That’s something you’d know a lot about.

Wilson: Round Two, any time, betch.

 

Around two months after the incident Gregory House was able to walk around with the help of a cane. Though in the back of the coat closet there it laid. I believe that he didn’t want to give a good friend.

 

Chase: Give a good friend what?

Foreman: Hell?

Cuddy: A nervous breakdown.

Wilson: Head.

All: *roll eyes*

Wilson: Like I was going to say anything else at this point.

 

He still has somewhat of a limp but that is expected. Right after he did get out we started to go out, dinners, monster trucks, and many more. It is great dating Greg. Greg and I might have my moments but I believe that we do belong together. Lunch almost over

 

Wilson: *as Cameron* I ate both celery sticks and am I ever stuffed!

Cameron: *pinches Wilson’s gut, hard*

Wilson: OW!

Chase: Ooh, can I see the bruise?

 

From,

 

Allie

 

Chase: Why would she sign a journal entry? And really there’s no need whatsoever for the “from.”

Foreman: You seem to be into the diary etiquette a lot for a grown man, Chase.

Chase: *hides spiral notebook and sparkly pen*

 

I shut my laptop and go to the coffee machine and started to make a new batch. “Coffee done yet,” I hear Greg say from the doorway.

 

Foreman: Ow, ow, ow.

Chase: Foreman, what’s wrong?

Foreman: Grammar conflict! Ow, ow, ow.

Cuddy: Lie down, Foreman; it’ll pass when we get to the next sentence.

Cameron: What?

Cuddy: That statement by “Greg” is phrased like a question, but the corresponding verb is “say.” Foreman can’t decide how to critique it, so his body is producing an allergic reaction. It’s painful but if he breathes through it, it’ll be over in a minute.

Chase: Aren’t you allergic as well?

Cuddy: You’re right. Hmm. Maybe the endorphins from all the great sex are blocking it? Or maybe it’s hormones… New hormones I haven’t had in my body before… Gotta go!

Wilson: What was that all about?

Chase: No clue.

Foreman: OW! I’m suffering here - we have to move on!

 

“Yea yea here you go master your afternoon coffee brewed just for you,” I walk over to him with his favorite red mug.

 

Chase: You better not look at this sentence either, Foreman.

Foreman: *groans*

Wilson: Let me do it! Misspelling, missing comma, misspelling, missing comma, missing comma, missing semicolon, comma in place of period. That’s a lot of misses in one sentence.

Cameron: And you’d know all about lots of Misses.

Wilson: You have been riding me all day, Cameron. What gives?

 

“But before you get it I get a kiss.”

 

Cameron: It’s just that –

Wilson: What?

Chase: What?

Foreman: Get your nose out of other people’s business, Myrtle.

 

“Cameron what did we say about showing affections during work, wait if I think about it you are the one that said that. Make up your god beloved mind.” House said.

 

I give him a small peck on his check and hand him the mug.

 

“Well thank you,” he says as Forman and Chase walk into the room.

 

Foreman: FOREMAN WITH AN “E”!!!  And there's a tense mix-up in there.

Chase: Would House really say “god beloved”? Would any of us? And where is House?

Cameron: *quietly* We haven’t had any of our private conversations for quite a while.

Wilson: *quietly* Conversations or conversations?

Cameron and Wilson: *suddenly making out*

Chase: Hey, Hippo, don’t squish her – she’s the only immunologist in the whole damn hospital. And I’m certainly not going to calibrate the centrifuge.

Cameron: Mmm, I like calibrating the centrifuge.

Wilson: Mmm, don’t I know it. *more making out*

 

TO BE CONTINUED