MST: Mental as Anything
Oct. 22nd, 2006 08:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deelaundryWell, this is just ridiculous. I’ve gone completely meta and mental. Fourth Wall screwed the Fifth Wall and this baby was the result. Self-indulgence of the worst sort.
Consider this MST a draft. Comment if you want any lines changed, added, or differently attributed. (Or if I got your gender wrong – sorry.)
Oh, yeah, fic is House/Wilson songfic schmoop. The writing is actually fairly promising. But the stinger did me in totally; MST was inevitable.
We see a montage of rooms throughout Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital as Massive Attack’s “Teardrop” plays (except in the United Kingdom, Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, Australia, Portugal, Spain, Italy, Ireland, Israel, New Zealand, Hungary, Latin America, Greece, Hong Kong, the Netherlands, and Turkey).
The wards, lobby, lounges, and the Clinic hum with energy, as nurses and doctors go busily about their day. The exceptions: the Dean of Medicine’s office, the Diagnostics suite, and the office of the Head of Oncology. All are dark, vacant, and cold.
DeeLaundry: Oh, for Pete’s sake! None of the characters we know are available? But this is a songfic! With the best stinger ever.
Dee stomps into the Diagnostics conference room and finds a note.
To Our Friends in Bad!fic:
You’re on your own this week. We’re off to an Administration of Oncologic Diagnostics ^ Diagnostic Oncology, House! Conference in Las Vegas. Assuming we don’t lose our shirts, we’ll be back next week.
Luv,
Lise
Jimmy
Alli
Robbie
E.J’s Future Dad and
House
PS. Brenda’s on vacation.
Dee: Argh!! I have to make fun of this stupid thing myself? Oh, no, I’m getting some more people in here. *Dials House’s desk phone* I need you to put out a page for me. Who am I? I’m the genius 17-year-old intern who outmatches House with my wit and sarcasm, that’s who I am! And my hair is spectacular! So send the damn page!
In a distant land:
Mercaque: We’ve got fanfic sign!!!
Author's Notes: Hello to everyone who has waited patiently for my next house fic.
TheWaughnMan: We’ve been on pins and needles, let me assure you.
Sorry it took me forever. The thing is, I write the fics, but I never get around to typing them up. ; Well, this is my first ever Songfic.
Mercaque: Please say it’s your last one. And that there are no elevators involved.
I would like to thank my beta for helping me out here and there with things. My biggest problem is forgetting which tense I'm in. XD I also tend to get into a bind with awkward phrasing.
TheWaughnMan: Really? You don’t say!
I'm sure with some healthy criticism from you, I'll eventually get that worked out. But, enough of my rambling.
Jdr1184: Too late!
Dee: Wait a minute. JDR, you can’t be here. We don’t want the FCC on our ass.
Jdr1184: Are you saying my stuff’s too porny? Daisylily had the stip!bad!fic and the threesome doctorous heap!
Daisylily: Mmmm. Now that I’m not using my mum’s PC any more, I’ve got this under the glass diagnostics table bit that…
Dee: Shhh! FCC! OK, JDR, you can stay but you’re on a five-second delay.
LA lights never shine quite as bright as in the movies
Greg hobbled through the terminal and glanced back at the brown-haired man standing there, waving goodbye.
Sara_Wolf: I am so tired of fic authors using “hobbled.”
Barbaroshima: Yeah. Want a drink?
Sara_Wolf: I don’t normally, but I’m still getting flashbacks from the sex change fic, so OK. *swig* Anyway, what’s wrong with “walked”? We know he’s got a bum leg; do you have to remind us every time?
Barbaroshima: Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Alan Rickman?
Still wanna go?
He sighed a little and continued onto the plane. As much as it pained him, he had to leave James behind for a week while he went to a conference in LA.
Cause something here, in the way, in the way that we're constantly moving...
Wilson gave a sad smile and sighed. He'd be lying if he said he wouldn't miss House. The apartment would be empty without the dominant male force House exuded.
All: *snicker*
Dee: Man, Wilson is such a pussy.
One_the_Larch: Bessy’s got more balls than him.
Jdr1184: …
…
Damn that delay! Hey, can you use that kind of language? What about the FCC?
Dee: All they really care about banning is guy-on-guy action and women’s nipples. Everything else is OK.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he turned to walk back to the car. Wilson's hand brushed against a small, elliptical object in his left pocket. He pulled it out to reveal a single Vicodin.
Karios: This would be a good time for a spoiler joke. Where’s DIYSheep?
Dee: Can’t be here; he’s behind on his hours.
Dee: Can’t be here; he’s behind on his hours.
Vitawash24: What?
Dee: Sheep is contractually obligated to torture House for 5 hours a week, and he’s behind. Probably followed House to the conference to torture him there.
Dee: Sheep is contractually obligated to torture House for 5 hours a week, and he’s behind. Probably followed House to the conference to torture him there.
James smiled warmly as he was reminded of the night they first kissed.
Vitawash24: You know, Ennui_Blue_Lite hasn't been around much lately, either.
Karios: She wants to go to nursing school - maybe she's practicing by patching House up after Sheep's done with him.
Vitawash24: You know, Ennui_Blue_Lite hasn't been around much lately, either.
Karios: She wants to go to nursing school - maybe she's practicing by patching House up after Sheep's done with him.
Reminds you of home...
Wilson had had a rough day and he was happy to get away from the hospital. He was on the verge of a divorce with Julie, and House had invited him to stay the night so the fight could hopefully blow over. It would be far from awkward though, considering the last time he was over, he had tried to ‘put the moves’ on House in his drunken state.
Jdr1184:…
…
Take the delay off, Dee! Anyway, what fight could blow over?
Daisylily: Why is “put the moves” in quotes? If it’s not the right phrase, don’t use it, author-person!
Sara_Wolf: And “far from awkward” implies that the situation would be easy and comfortable. I don’t think that was the intent.
So You're taking these pills for to fill up your soul...
As they rode up on the elevator, House popped another Vicodin.
“If you don't cut back on those, you're going to die.”
House scoffed and swallowed the pill. Finally at their destination House opened the door for Wilson, “Come on. I know how to cheer you up.”
All: Comma abuse!
And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol...
House poured two glasses of whiskey and set one in front of Wilson, “Drink up.”
All: Think of the commas!
Wilson took his glass and sighed. Why was House doing this? He knew this would end very badly, but he downed the shot and helped himself to another.
Barbaroshima: That’s my boy! Absinthe is next…
And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking...
After a couple of hours, House and Wilson sat in close proximity on the couch and spoke of many things.
One_The_Larch: …of shoes, and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and Kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.
Daisylily: That reference reminds me, where’s Aguynamedgoo? I’d think he’d be all over this.
Sara_Wolf: Goo hurt his hand, so he can only type one-handed.
Dee: I thought that was how he always typed. You know, with his other hand being otherwise occupied.
Jdr1184: That’s…lewd and uncalled for.
Dee: I get grumpy when I can’t slash anyone. So I decided to slash Goo with himself.
Jdr1184: You get the five-second delay now, for rudeness.
Dee:…
…
*sulks*
Though they were both a little tipsy, House decided to get more whiskey. He stood up, but fell promptly, landing with his head in Wilson's lap.
Daisylily: He landed headfirst?
Karios: *shrugs* This is a slash fic.
After a very awkward silence, House slurred, “You're vuuuury pretty Jimmy.”
Sara_Wolf: What kind of accent is that supposed to be? Scottish?
One_The_Larch: Austrian?
Barbaroshima: Drunkenese.
And part of this terrible mess that you're making...
House lifted his head and placed a small kiss on James’ lips. The other man froze in shock.
“Juss wut exactly wuz dat?” He stared into Greg's icy blue eyes, which were slightly cloudy due to the alcohol.
Barbaroshima: That’s just ridiculous. We knew Wilson couldn’t do an Australian accent, but now he can’t even do Drunkenese properly!
Vitawash24: Maybe he's attempting Ebonics.
Vitawash24: Maybe he's attempting Ebonics.
“Y'know you liked it.” He smirked.
But I, I'm the catalyst.
Wilson left in a flurry the next day.
TheWaughnMan: Was it snowing? Or was it just a bad case of dandruff?
He didn't even say a word to House about the previous night or about how he felt. He just wanted that scent off of him. No matter how good it was.
Dee:…
…
What scent?
Daisylily: Alcohol?
Karios: Old Spice?
One_The_Larch: Ty-D-Bol!
When you say love is a simple chemical reaction...
“The clinic only keeps you away from him for a short while.” Cuddy's voice pierced through James’s train of thought and shattered the silence that once inhabited the patient-less exam room. “This is something I'd expect from House, not you.” He looked up with a startled expression that read 'How did you know!'
“Don't break his heart again, James. It's been done enough times already.” She gave him a stern look, but still managed to look sympathetic. She sighed a little as she walked away.
Daisylily: Cuddy is a slasher! I knew it!
Dee:…
…
We all knew it. I’m still waiting for the strap-on to become canon.
Can't say I agree...
Dee:…
…
To each her own, author-person!
He stood in the corridor in which House’s office was located.
Jdr1184: Why is House’s office in the corridor?
Taking deep breaths, he went over what he needed to say in his head.
“Greg...I...I love...you...” James shuddered and turned to head to Greg's office. As his hand grasped the doorknob, House looked up with an expression Wilson hadn't seen in a while.
One_The_Larch: If you have that hard a time getting the words out, Wilson, AND they make you shudder… maybe you’re not in love with House. Maybe you’re really straight.
Daisylily, Dee, et al: HEY! Take that back!
One_The_Larch: I’m just saying, is all.
Cause my chemicals, yeah yeah, left me a beautiful disaster...
Gregory House's face registered as one of a heart-broken lover.
TheWaughnMan: And where exactly did this registration take place? Town Hall, or did he have to go all the way to the State Hall of Records?
Wilson entered the office, almost instantly regretting this decision.
“House, we need to talk.” He was trying to keep his voice from faltering, but he knew he couldn't hide the fear. Before Wilson could comprehend what was going on, House had stood up and was standing before him.
“I love you, Jimmy.”
All: BWAH HA HA!
Still love's all I see...
Wilson stared into his icy blues again and was swept up in the emotion of the moment. House had come closer to James and proceeded to place a passionate kiss on the younger man's lips. Wilson didn't even try to resist how right the entire moment felt.
When they finally broke the kiss, Wilson looked at House again and smiled. He whispered breathlessly, “I love you too.”
So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul...
As the flight attendants started handing out refreshments, Greg bought a small bottle of liquor and popped a Vicodin. The small, cramped spaces of airplanes made it hell for his leg. He looked idly out the window and thought of what he was leaving behind for a week.
Daisylily: *looking up from other, better MST she’s writing* Where’d everyone go?
Dee:…
…
To play foosball. The fic got boring.
Daisylily: Take that stupid delay off. That’s better. Why are you still here?
Dee: A) Punishment; B) We’re not to the stinger yet. I’ll page ‘em all back when we get there.
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol...
Last night, Wils had been helping Greg pack and he remembered coming upon the empty whiskey bottle from a few weeks ago. He laughed at the memory of House stumbling to his feet for more whiskey when he noticed the rattling of a pill bottle. House took a Vicodin and smiled at his roommate. Wilson noted that this was the most he'd smiled in years.
Dee: Wils! Just go ahead and call him Wilsie, author-poo!
Daisylily: Poo is about right. So, is “roommate” American slang for “rumpy pumpy buddy”?
Dee: Nope. I think the author just wanted to point out they’re living together at this point. In case the “empty apartment without House’s dominant male force” line wasn’t clear enough.
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking...
“Maybe I could store away in a bag! I could ride in a checked bag!” Wilson laughed as he schemed of ways to hide away and have House bring him too.
Daisylily: Oh, for the love of – Wilson is not that stupid! Or giddily crazy, whichever way this author-person is trying to imply.
“You'd have to pee eventually.” House snarked. “I don't want to be responsible for fifty people's luggage smelling like urine.” He chuckled at Wilson's disgusted face and placed his pajamas in his suitcase.
Dee: Urine is so romantic. Sigh.
And part of this terrible messed that I'm making...
'God...' House thought, 'He's gonna hate me when I tell him I'm going there to look at a job...' He sighed. There was no way to get out of the job hunt now because he planned this two months ago when Wilson still felt awkward about coming onto him. He'd never admit it, but he had felt awkward too.
Daisylily: Hmm, yes, no way to get out of the job hunt. Except, you know, calling people and telling them you’re fine where you are and are no longer looking. Anybody can do that, with complete politeness and in no way affecting future job prospects.
Dee: And this is House.
Daisylily: Which means he would just not show up, and probably hang up on anyone who called to find out where he was. Is this the stinger?
Dee: Not yet. Hey, good thing JDR's not here. She wouldn't be able to resist that "coming onto him" line.
Daisylily: Yes, because you were so discreet and tasteful in Sniffles.
Dee: Quiet, you.
Daisylily: Yes, because you were so discreet and tasteful in Sniffles.
Dee: Quiet, you.
But you, you're the catalyst.
In fact, that was the only reason for the job hunt. He was doing his usual trick of running away, and he hated himself for that.
And you'll be the thing!
You'll be the pain!
You'll be the STAR!
Dee: You’ll be YELLING at the TOP of your LUNGS!
Daisylily: I used to like this song. There’s a House/Wilson fanvideo to it that’s not half bad. But this is…
After that evening where they first kissed, Greg had decided to stop running away. He decided he wasn't going to shun his emotions and he was going to open up. James was the only person who would let him do that. However, his long hidden feelings were emerging and causing him a little bit of pain.
And you'll be the road!
Rolling below
The wheels of a car!
The plane had landed several hours ago and the taxi was on its way to the hotel.
Daisylily: It took House several hours to get out of the airport? That’s worse than Heathrow.
Dee: The limping, hobbling, and struggling lamely takes a lot of extra time.
House's leg was disagreeing tremendously with him with every bump and turn of the automobile.
One_The_Larch: *as the leg* House, you bastard, we should have flown Jet Blue! And I told you to ask for an SUV taxi, but did you listen to me? No! Shut your mouth, House, I’m not listening to you one minute longer.
Daisylily: How was the foosball?
One_The_Larch: Decent enough. Kiwi_from_hell is reffing, of course. I think mercaque’s going to win the tournament.
Dee: Of course. Mercaque is made of winning. E.J!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And all of your thoughts are 'God, don't know if I'm strong enough...no...'
TheWaughnMan: Those are our thoughts exactly, upon reading this fic.
Daisylily: Out of the tournament?
TheWaughnMan: Lost to JDR. She shook me with the thrusting *shudder*
Greg cursed his leg and he cursed himself for doing this whole thing. 'God...' He thought, wincing, 'I wish Wilson was here. He'd tell me everything was going to be fine or some sympathetic crap like that. At least I'd believe him.' Another bump caused House to swear loudly and the taxi driver looked back in fear.
“Bum leg,” House growled, trying to rid the questioning gaze, “Didn't ya see the cane?” He shook his cane in the face of the taxi driver and motioned toward the light. “Green.”
You'll be the thing...
You'll be the pain...
You'll be the...
Back in Princeton, Wilson slowly steered into the apartment complex.
One_The_Larch: Aiiiiiiieeeee!!!!! Cluck cluck cluck!
TheWaughnMan: What?
One_The_Larch: Screams of the pedestrians in the complex as Wilson ran them over. And zombie!Bessy.
One_The_Larch: Screams of the pedestrians in the complex as Wilson ran them over. And zombie!Bessy.
He parked the car and climbed the stairs to the place he had become so accustom to seeing.
Daisylily: House picked an apartment with stairs? And that should be “accustomed,” author-person.
Dee: Shh! Set up for the stinger coming. *makes 911 page*
As he entered the apartment, he sighed, feeling the vast emptiness that filled the entire room.
Everyone enters the room. Mercaque is holding a small doctor doll that recites “Bend over and relax!”
Daisylily: What’s that?
Vitawash24: Prize for winning the foosball tournament, stolen out of Wilson’s office.
Dee: READ!
Wilson changed into the cotton pajamas that House had gotten for him two years ago. He really didn't like them because of the little pigs all over the fabric, but he wore them because House thought they were humorous. Wilson lay down in the bed and frowned at the empty spot next to him. He shut his eyes and thought about what House might be thinking as he drifted off to sleep.
Sara_Wolf: Wilson, you’re really that whipped, that you’ll wear pajamas you don’t like even when House can’t see you?
Karios: And two years ago, they were just friends. Do male friends really buy each other pajamas?
Catalyst...
House entered the dreary hotel room and sighed. He changed into his pajamas and sat down on the edge of the bed. Heaving another sigh and wincing slightly, He maneuvered himself to lie comfortably on the bed. House closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
After several minutes of escaping slumber, he sat up, “Dammit. Don't tell me I've gotten use to that!” House knew in the back of his mind that he had and he cursed himself for it. He couldn't sleep without the warm, pig-covered body of James resting beside him.
Dee: ZING!
All: *mixture of laughter and stunned silence*
Mercaque: That is a pretty good stinger.
“Dammit Jimmy.”
These LA lights, no no, they don't shine quite as bright as back in Fresco...
It was 4 AM and Wilson was sound asleep when he heard when he heard the startling ring of the telephone. He jolted awake and fumbled aimless around for the phone.
“Hullo?” He mumbled groggily. Silence greeted him on the other end. “Hullo!” More silence. “Listen you! You can't call at random hours of the night expecting to--”
Jdr1184: That’s a weird thing to say. Is Wilson expecting a particular person to call, or is that how he responds to every crank caller?
“Jimmy...”
“Greg? What's wrong? Are you ok?”
“Yea...” House cleared his throat, “Couldn't sleep.”
“Oh. Well...” Wilson tried to think of the most generic question to rid them of the awkward silence, “How...how's your leg?” Dammit. That wasn't generic at all and it was also something he knew House wouldn't be comfortable talking about.
Daisylily: Attack of the ellipses!
Sara_Wolf: Good thing Foreman’s not here.
“Bad...it...it's been hurting ever since I landed...” House sighed, “Jimmy?”
“Yea?”
“I lied to you...about...about the conference.”
“What?”
“I came here...for a job...because I was scared...”
“Oh god...it's not...about us is it?”
“Yea.”
Barbaroshima: The ellipses are killing me! They pain my eyes.
Dee: Not to mention the fact that there’s no way House and Wilson would be that hesitant. Has the author watched the show? They’re grown men.
TheWaughnMan: And even kind of assholes.
Wilson sighed. This was a little much for him to handle at four in the morning, “W...when did this happen? Why?”
“When you came onto me...the first time...I...I panicked...”
“And...you...decided to run away?”
“Yea. Pretty childish, huh?” House massaged his leg continuously to keep the pain caused by stress from getting through to it.
Sara_Wolf: I was trying to ignore it, but “yea” is pronounced “yay.” House wouldn’t say “yay” – he’d say, “yeah.” Or you could even go out on a limb – extrapolating from the fact that he’s an intelligent and well-read person – and have him say, “Yes.” *rolls eyes* Honestly!
“Just a little.” Wilson smiled, and even though House couldn't see, he could hear it in his voice. “Well, I need sleep. It's four here and I have to work tomorrow.”
“Yea...” House sighed. “Y'know what?”
“Hrm?” Wilson yawned.
“I don't like it here.”
Do you wanna though, still wanna go?
All: Yes, we would love to go! *head for the door and leave*
Dee: OK, bye, everyone. I’ll just clean up before I go.
PC: You’ve got mail!
Dee: That’s funny; I don’t have AOL.
PC: Shut up and read your mail.
Dee: Actually, it’s an instant message.
PC: I’m an inanimate object; what do you want from me?
SupremEgo: Zup?
DeeL: How’s the conference?
SupremEgo: Mostly boring with a few amusing moments. And one non-amusing incident - first day, someone tripped me and stepped on my thigh, so I was in agony for a couple of hours. Since then, everything’s been fine.
DeeL: Sheep made it there, then
SupremEgo: What?
DeeL: Nothing
SupremEgo: Tx for getting me out of that songfic. I can’t stand how bad!fic writers make me so damn sentimental and goopy.
DeeL: Yeah.
SupremEgo: Except this one fic I read where Wilson and I had a kid named Jack together and were passionately in love until the day I died…
DeeL: Really?
SupremEgo: JAY KAY! That sucked too! Loser!
DeeL: Sigh
SupremEgo: Anyhoo, as a TY here’s a Vegas pic of me and Wilson. Sorry Jimmy’s eyes are closed; he was pretty tired.
DeeL: That’s your dick in the foreground? It’s HUGE!
SupremEgo: A House/Cam fan took the pic so the size is exaggerated. But not much!
DeeL: You actually talked to a House/Cam fan?
SupremEgo: Well, OK, it was Cameron herself.
DeeL: I bet Wilson loved that
SupremEgo: He was fine with it, after receiving proper incentive. LOL. Good thing what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Stinger: He couldn't sleep without the warm, pig-covered body of James resting beside him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-21 09:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-21 01:30 pm (UTC)It was totally meant as flattering. "Dee" made a a stupid joke at your expense and then got slammed down for it, because you are made of the awesome.
(And you don't have to explain a vanity search. It's nice to know what's out there about you.)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-21 01:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-07-21 01:54 pm (UTC)