MST: You're Invited! Who: You

Pulled this out of the Pit of Voles.  The kicker was the Summary:

This is the first in a series of Holiday Parties. This one is a 4th of July swim party. I swear after the first chapter it will be more entertaining.

 

Note to all new and prospective authors:  Do not advertise the sucking.

( Chapter 1: The Invite )