Dee Laundry (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
deelaundry) wrote2006-08-07 10:20 pm
deelaundry) wrote2006-08-07 10:20 pm
Entry tags:
MST: You're Invited! Who: You
Pulled this out of the Pit of Voles. The kicker was the Summary:
This is the first in a series of Holiday Parties. This one is a 4th of July swim party. I swear after the first chapter it will be more entertaining.
Note to all new and prospective authors: Do not advertise the sucking.
House and Wilson are in House’s office, making out. Oh, I mean, making out their wills. In silence. It’s really boring. (TM sigmagirl on TWoP)
House: I don’t know why that took so long. I’m leaving everything to Steve.
Wilson: Yeah, I’m leaving everything to you as well… wait a minute. Steve?!?
House: I’m appointing you guardian. I trust you to do right by him.
Wilson: *grumbling* ‘Do right by him,” yeah. I wonder if my ex’s cat likes rat on a stick…
House: Let’s think of something cheerier. How about a pool party?
Wilson: You’d go to a pool party?
House: Not in real life. But in bad!fic I’d do anything! And so would you!
Wilson: Oh, God. I’m not burning myself in this one, am I?
House: No, but you do seem to be about 13 years old.
Wilson: You have another “House is in junior high” fic?
House: Let me check again. Nope, it specifically mentions the hospital. We’re supposed to be adults; we just act like children.
Wilson: For you, this is different how?
House: *checking again* Fic!me appears to be louder than real!me. And more boring.
Wilson: You’re not selling this fic very well.
House: Cuddy wears a bikini.
Wilson: OK, let’s have it.
Chapter 1
GHMDGHMDGHMD
House: What the hell are those letters? “Gumd gumd gumd”?
Wilson: Don’t get nasty. Did you miss that it was just wills before? We’re declaring this a slash-free zone.
You’re invited!
Who: You
House: Uh duh.
When: July 4th from 1 p.m. - 10 p.m.
Wilson: Nine hours? That is one long-ass party.
House: Your ass –
Wilson: Slash-free zone!
Where: At Lisa Cuddy’s House
What: A 4th of July swim party
Cuddy: Oh hell no.
Wilson: Where’d you come from?
Cuddy: I signed up for the auto-email list. Every time my name comes up in fic, I get paged.
House: Foreman signed up for it, too, but now he just looks at his pager and cries.
Make sure you bring your bathing suite and a large appetite. There will be many games and fun activities to do. As well as a large selection of delicious gourmet food (And yes House, there will be plenty of beer). Please R.S.V.P. by July 1st. Call this number 468-7363
House: What the hell is a ‘bathing suite’? Whatever it is, wouldn’t it be too big to take to a party?
Wilson: Games and fun activities? Cuddy, is this going to be a key party?
Cuddy: What the hell am I writing that special note to House for? He’s not the only one who likes beer. In fact, do you even like beer?
Cuddy: What the hell am I writing that special note to House for? He’s not the only one who likes beer. In fact, do you even like beer?
House: Plenty of Scotch, now that would be a selling point.
Wilson: Thank God the food’s gourmet. Because that’s critical for a pool party.
Cuddy: Do I need to point out that “please” is redundant with “S.V.P.”?
Wilson: We’re lucky the author didn’t say “Please R.S.V.P. respond”
Sincerely,
Lisa Cuddy
Wilson: “Sincerely.” When “Yours truly” is too quirky and informal.
The letter had arrived two days ago in the mail and he had stared at it for quiet some time debating on what to do. House’s eyes fell upon his lousy wooden cane; he could just imagine the people staring at his leg.
Wilson: Ha ha! Angsty House! Worried about people staring at his leggy weggy.
House: Shut up, flesh melter.
Although…seeing him in his Speedo might distract them from his leg. Or he could just wear board shorts, after all every other cool guy does it. He looked around his house, and then he found it, his phone. He looked off the paper and gently pressed in the numbers 468-7363. The phone started to ring.
Cuddy: Well, I was falling asleep but that single adverb woke me right up. “Gently” pressed?
House: I can think of other gentle pressing I’d rather do.
Wilson: Slash-free zone!
House: I was talking to Cuddy.
Wilson: Oh.
“Hello, this is Lisa Cuddy” Said a sweet and womanly voice on the other line.
Cuddy: Are we reviewing the grammar and spelling?
House: Not unless you want to make a drinking game out of it.
Cuddy: And die of alcohol poisoning? No thanks.
“What’s that?” House asked into the phone.
“What’s what House?” She asked now with a completely normal voice.
Cuddy: Hey! My normal voice is sweet and womanly.
House: Sure thing, Christine Jorgenson.
Wilson gently presses the down arrow key.
House: What are you doing?
Wilson: Skipping boring crap that’s posing as banter. You promised me bikinis.
“Are you actually R.S.V.P-ing?” she asked shocked just thinking about him caring to let someone know something that didn’t benefit him.
House: If I understood that sentence, I might find it slanderous on my character.
“Nope. I just want to let you know I find them COMPLETELY offensive. Seriously! I mean come on! You know I don’t drink, because everyone knows you shouldn’t mix Vicodin and Alcohol.” He said into the phone.
House: Or Vicodin and alcohol. Either one. Pass me the scotch.
“Oh and do you know what your phone number spells out?”
“No, but please enlighten me.” She said sarcasm raging through her voice.
Wilson: Burn, baby, burn!
“H-O-…never mind. You figure it out on your own. And don’t go asking Wilson, he’s part of the friendship club, and we never let secrets leave our friendship club!” he hung up the phone.
Wilson: I thought your friendship club was with Carl.
House: Kevin. Or maybe it was Carl. Whatever. We drafted you in behind your back. What do you think all those pranks were for? That was your super secret initiation.
Wilson: Yes, I’m seeing how real!you is much more mature than fic!you.
Her phone started to ring again and again and again. People calling to tell whether or not they were going to be able to make it to the party that was in three days. Many of the people that she hoped were going to come were, in fact, few weren’t coming. The whole hospital wasn’t invited, only a selective amount of people. It really wasn’t the hospital’s 4th of July party. It was Lisa Cuddy’s 4th of July party. Her phone rang again.
Cuddy: Fic!me’s a cliquish bitch, isn’t she?
Wilson: *joking* As the Dean of Medicine, I’d think you'd be obligated to invite the whole hospital.
Cuddy: Still wouldn’t be that many people, seeing as how we only have three nurses and one tech in the whole place. Oh, and two people in accounting.
House: I think Carl and Debbie should get together. They’d make a cute couple.
“Hello this is Lisa Cuddy” she said hoping it would be another ‘yes’.
“You did it again! You know your normal voice is soooooooo much better then that little girly one of yours.” Much to her dismay and yet pleasure the other line was home to Gregory House.
House: Dismay and yet pleasure. You want me so bad!
Wilson: House actually lives in the telephone line? Well, that makes about as much sense as anything.
Wilson: House actually lives in the telephone line? Well, that makes about as much sense as anything.
“What is it that you want?” she asked pretending to be oh so annoyed with him.
“Did you figure it out?” he inquired her.
Cuddy: Sure we’re not correcting grammar? Because “inquired her” is killing me.
House: Is it killing you softly?
Wilson: With its song?
“What?” She asked back, there was no answer. Still no answer.
“The phone’s slippery, it fell. Wilson says he can go to your little get together thingy. He’s over here right now. Because I now have something you don’t have!” he said tauntingly into the phone.
“And that would be…”
House: Wilson’s dick! And a big bottle of lube!
Wilson: Explains why the phone’s slippery.
Cuddy: I thought you declared a slash-free zone?
Wilson: Eh, my dick had other ideas.
“A plasma screen T.V. AND an X Box360! HA!” he laughed into the phone.
“Lovely. Is there any other reason you called?”
Cuddy: That actually does sound like me.
House: It won’t last! Wait until we get to Chapter 2…
Cuddy & Wilson: GROAN.
“Yup. Uhm, why is House capitalized?” he asked.
“Because it’s you name and…”
Cuddy: Me name is Cuddy.
“No, the one on the invitation, it says “Lisa Cuddy’s” capital H, ouse.”
“I don’t know. Typo.” She said trying to think of why she did do that.
Wilson: Maybe your brain was temporarily taken over by this author, who seems to be the Non-Gender-Specific Royalty of misplaced capitalization.
Yet again there was silence on the other line. “Did you drop the phone again? Hello. Hello. HELLO!”
“I hear you…but I don’t care.
House: Ha!
I’m playing Halo2…Wilson’s winning.
Wilson: Ha!
House: You suck at Halo2!
Wilson: Fic!me doesn’t.
He’ll see you in three days. Bye” as he hung up she hear him yell “Hell no!” and then a woosh of a gun being shot at another character.
Wilson: Another character? Maybe I shot you.
House: It’s all the rage these days.
Cuddy: I think “woosh” is supposed to have an ‘h’ in it.
House: Give it a rest. Speaking of which… *stands, yawns, stretches* Think I’ll take a little nap before Chapter 2. Maybe in Wilson’s office. On the couch that pulls out.
Wilson: *standing abruptly, executing fakest yawn ever* Me too.
Cuddy: Seriously, isn’t this supposed to be a slash-free zone?
Wilson: House’s office, yes, for sure. My office, on the other hand, is outside the zone.
House: Race ya!
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