deelaundry: (wilson oh please)
This fic is supposed to be humorous. And it did make me laugh. Just perhaps not in the way that was intended.  Fic and MST are both about PG-13 level.  One f-word, references to drug use.
 
A few stats on the fic:
Type: Songfic
Words: 1014
Words that are part of the “plot,” not the song: 452 (45%)
Number of commas (other than in the lyrics, which I assume were directly copied from a site): One
 
deelaundry: (badfic all what?)

If you read this fic fast, it's really not that bad.  Spelling and grammar are fine, for the most part, and Wilson and House act a bit wussy but not terribly juvenile, at least. I'd say this new author has promise.

But when I remembered a recent fanficrant by my pal [personal profile] karaokegal, the MST was inevitable.

deelaundry: (Default)
Cross-posted to [livejournal.com profile] house_mst

Fifth Wall, baby, I'm sorry [livejournal.com profile] karios was so mean to you. Come, enjoy this MST by two guest MSTers who are in absolutely no way based on actual authors in the Housefic realm. At all. Really. I swear. Would I lie to you?

This is all [livejournal.com profile] perspi's fault.

OK, Chris Isaac has something to answer for too )
deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
To recap the MST: 
  • House disappeared when Cuddy let on that she has a new boyfriend named Michael. 
  • Pudge & Twig argued, cat-fought, and then suddenly started making out.
  • Foreman briefly went catatonic but recovered. 
  • Cuddy disappeared shortly thereafter, mumbling something about hormones.
  • Chase – well, his hair is adorable and his figure is svelte.
Chase: Thank you! Nice to see someone around here appreciates me.

To recap the story:   Eh, never mind. It’s House/Cam; you’ll figure it out.


deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
The fic is House/Cam, with this chapter being a re-writing of the Season 2 closer, "No Reason."  The MST is, um, weird.  Wilson and Cameron kind of ran away with this one...


deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
I'm out of clever things to say, so here's how the author described this fic:
 
Summary: AU-Daddy's Boy... What if everyone went out with House and his parents?

So, of course, that's not exactly what the fic is about.  It's about House "coming out as your GAY, HANDICAP, DRUG ADDICTED son."  Fun.
deelaundry: (Default)
Well, this is just ridiculous. I’ve gone completely meta and mental. Fourth Wall screwed the Fifth Wall and this baby was the result. Self-indulgence of the worst sort.
 
Consider this MST a draft. Comment if you want any lines changed, added, or differently attributed. (Or if I got your gender wrong – sorry.)
 
Oh, yeah, fic is House/Wilson songfic schmoop. The writing is actually fairly promising. But the stinger did me in totally; MST was inevitable.
 
deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
House and Wilson are in love, doo dah, doo dah.  
Fangirls still can't write that fic, oh doo dah day.  
Gone and wrote all night; gone and sucked all day.  
Bet my money on a bob-tailed nag (*cough*Wilson*cough*), 
Somebody bet on HoYay, on HoYay.

House/Cam writers got nothing on this )
deelaundry: (badfic oh)
Nothing can really beat Kaygreg as a spawn name, but Brigitta is up there in the top 10 at least. No offense to Hungarians.

Otherwise, this isn't a horribly hopeless fic. Kinda cute, even, and reasonably in-character for House/Cameron. But I'm MSTing it anyway.
 
deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
I'm hesitant to post this after the brilliance that was (1) the Heart Family Musical Extravaganza; and (2) PPTH Crew Goes Camping, but here goes nothing:

This clueless!Chase fic’s not all that bad, although it dissolves into schmoopiness at the end. Chase’s wet bum and other select text was cut for length (sorry). Note: MST is set between “Cane & Able” and “Informed Consent,” and has a startling (for me) lack of slash.
deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
The Smorgasbord fic returns. Let’s go back a bit in time and contemplate late adolescence for Mary (Sue) House. 

The MST features Cuddy & Cameron alone in an exam room… yes, that’s a big hint.  Oh, and the Fourth Wall, she is dead.

Note:  C & C are kidding about Wilson.  And just to clarify, in this MST I play a parody version of myself, like Cher in Stuck on You.

deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
Something fun from the Pit of Voles.  House is not having a good day.  Wilson the slut, however, is doing fine.  So is Cuddy.  And Chase is quite memorable in his one small scene.

deelaundry: (badfic all what?)
Cuddy's 4th of July swim party, Chapter 3.  In the fic: A lot of boring nothing, but one truly astonishing element. In the MST: Wilson introduces a different astonishing element (dedicated to amysusanne on TWoP).

Jump right in; the water's fine )
 
Cuddy:  I got a page.
House:  Like from the Senate? I heard they’re almost as good as Presidential interns at servicing governing bodies.
Cuddy:  *sigh* A page on my pager? Chapter 3 of the pool party bad!fic is up.
House:  Cool! Cameron, go get Wilson. He’s been acting a little weird lately, so tell him we need him for a consult.
Cameron:  I don’t think I can lie to Dr. Wilson.
House:  Fine. Just start talking about your issues, and when he falls asleep, drag him in here by the hair.
 
CHAPTER 3
 
“…it’s…House MD.
 
Foreman:  What is House MD?
House:  Maybe fic!me hired Ed McMahon to follow me around. “Heeeeeeeere’s Greggy!”
Wilson:  That sounds more “Shining” than “Tonight Show.”
House:  Wilson! I haven’t seen you all day. Give me a kiss!
Wilson:  You’re kidding, right?
House:  What?
Foreman/Cameron/Chase/Cuddy:  What?
Wilson:  I’m straight; you’re straight. There’s no way in hell we’re going to kiss.
 
(A/N: YAY EVERYONE WHO GOT THAT RIGHT! OR EVEN JUST TRIED!)”
 
Cameron:  Tried what?
House:  *impatiently* Some stupid thing from the previous chapters. Wilson, what are you talking about?
Wilson:  House, you’re 47. I’m… I don’t even know how old I am, but I’m clearly an established adult. If either of us had homosexual tendencies, we would have known long ago and acted on them. We’d have rainbow bumper stickers on our cars and posters of Barbra Streisand movies in our offices. We don’t. Ergo, we must be completely straight.
 
She said smiling at her three legged friend who disguised himself like a foe.
 
Cameron:  House?
House:  What?
Cameron:  You’re not going to make a “middle leg” joke?
House:  *sulking* No.
 
“No it’s…hey how did you know?” House asked a little shocked.
 
Chase:  I’ve totally lost the thread of what’s going on in this fic.
Wilson:  Fic!House figured out that fic!Cuddy’s phone number could spell out “House MD” on a touch-tone phone, the way only a genius could. No, wait, a genius or a typical eight-year old child.
House:  *still sulking*
 
“Wilson helped me pick it out, it’s been that way for oh let’s see about two years, we wanted to see how long it would take you” she smiled at him her brown hair glistening from water.
 
Foreman:  I’m so depressed by the mis-punctuation there that I can’t even tell you.
Cuddy:  If we were doing the punctuation drinking game, that’d be, oh, let’s see, seven shots. Cameron, you weigh what? 80 pounds?
Cameron:  95 pounds.
Cuddy:  Your BAC would be about .30. Just from one sentence.
Wilson:  That wouldn’t be so bad. It’d loosen you up a little. *smile that’s just this side of a leer*
Cameron:  Um…
House:  *deeper sulk*
 
GHMDGHMDGHMD
 
Wilson looked over at his friend who was sitting on the couch inside and drinking a beer. A Fat Tire to be exact.
 
Chase:  What’s Fat Tire?
House:  A beer, duh. It’s a lot like Foster’s except it actually tastes good.
Chase:  Aren’t you a grumpy Gus now that Wilson won’t play with you?
 
He watched as he sat staring at emptiness. He started to think about how misleading House’s eyes were.
 
House:  Ha! You’re thinking about my eyes. Foreman! Thinking about another man’s eyes: Gay or straight?
Foreman:  Gay.
Chase:  Why didn’t you ask me?
House:  Yeah, you’d really be able to judge.
Wilson:  I will simply point out that that is fic!me, who is obviously a little bit emo. I’ve never noticed your eyes at all. Cameron, what color are they? Green? Hazel?
Cameron:  Don’t bring me into this, please.
House:  *sulking*
 
They said they were fine because the electric blue distracted you from seeing beyond that. They were eyes that held a great deal of anger and pain. An addiction not for pain pills but for sorrow, something few noticed.
 
Cuddy:  The eyes said the eyes were fine?
Cameron:  And House is not addicted to pain pills?
Wilson:  Ladies, I know something that could distract you from the lack of sense…
Chase:  Now you’re scaring all of us, Wilson.
 
“House!” called the oncologist from outside. “House!” finally he lifted his ageing head up and turned toward him.
 
Foreman:  (as Wilson) “Cuddy’s going to kill you for sitting on her furniture in your wet clothes!”
House:  *still sulking*
 
“WILSON! WILSON!” he yelled louder then Wilson had yelled his name. Wilson got up and moved inside and sat next to his friend.
 
“Sorry I was just trying to get your attention. So, do you want to go play the games they’re doing outside?” House shrugged a yes.
 
Chase:  Does that gesture mean something different in the US? In Australia, we use a nod for “yes,” and a shrug for “I don’t know” or “it doesn’t matter.”
House:  Sometimes when Wilson does it, a shrug means, “Sure I’ll give you a blowjob.”
Wilson:  I’m so straight that I have no idea what you’re talking about.
 
GHMDGHMDGHMD
 
Cuddy posted the results
 
Dodge Ball: Team 2
Treasure Hunt: Foreman
 
Foreman:  It was easy for fic!me because the clones helped me.
Cameron:  What?
Cuddy:  Remember Chapter 2, when the author spelled his name “Foremen”?
Cameron:  I block out bad!fic as soon as it’s over. Like that one crazy fic where I stole meth from a patient, took a bunch of it, called Chase over for a booty call, and then had sex with him against a wall.  I’ve blocked that totally out.
Foreman:  Um, Cameron…?
 
Cricket: Chase
 
Cameron:  Isn’t cricket a team sport?
Chase:  Maybe I was the captain.
House:  Or maybe you played by yourself because no one else cares about your stupid British sport.
Cameron:  And aren’t cricket games really long?
Chase:  Well, it could be… Alright, you caught me. I was playing slap-and-tickle with fic!Cuddy and told her it was called cricket.
Cuddy:  Why not? I’m not immune to the hawt. You really should cut that hair, though.
 
Tree Climbing: Robinson
Egg toss: Wilson and Cuddy
 
Robert Sean Leonard:  Hmm. That might be another secret Season 3 spoiler.
Hugh Laurie:  What are you, the spoiler police? Going to lay your black bar across everything?
RSL:  You gotta get Omar for that.
 
Balloon toss: Chase and Obe
Three legged race: House and his cane
 
All:  *stunned silence*
Cuddy:  That… *back to stunned*
Cameron:  *wary* I think that line might have actually been funny.
Chase:  Intentionally funny.
Foreman:  OK, it’s not a totally original concept, but still…
House:  An intentionally funny line. I – I – I don’t know who I am any more. Wilson, hold me.
Wilson:  House, we are straight men. We do not hold each other. We don’t even give full hugs unless (a) tragic circumstances; (b) personal life-changing event; or (c) our favorite sports team wins something.
House:  A funny line in a bad!fic isn’t life-changing? Fine. You can just sit on my lap.
Wilson:  Foreman, lap-sitting: straight or gay?
Foreman:  Gay.
Wilson:  Therefore, I’m not doing it.
House:  Foreman, blow-drying your hair: straight or gay?
Foreman:  What a man does in his own place is his own business.
 
GHMDGHMDGHMD
 
House started to get another beer.
 
“You’ve had enough. What did you drive here? Your bike? You shouldn’t have any more” Wilson argued.
 
(silence)
House:  Anybody going to make a “Wilson is a nagging woman” joke?
All:  Too bored.
 
“Okay Mommy!” House continued drinking it.
 
“Hey Cuddy!” House called over.
 
“Hey House.” She said making her way across the room.
 
“Do you like my phone number? Wilson helped me too!”
 
Cameron:  What?
Cuddy:  That stupid “spelling words out with your phone number” gag.
Cameron:  Oh, I must have blocked that out already. Just like the time in that one bad!fic where House used a remote-controlled robot to molest me. That was really ridiculous.
Cuddy:  Um, Cameron…?
 
GHMDGHMD
 
Tell next time. Keep reviewing. THANKS!
 
Foreman:  “Tell” next time?
Cuddy:  The fic’s over; just leave it.
Chase:  Hey, Cameron, want to hit the MRI room?
Cameron:  Why not?
Wilson:  Hmm, I’ve got a half-hour until my next appointment. I think I could squeeze in a quickie with that new nurse, Miss Timbershiver. Rawr, she’s a hottie.
Cuddy:  You’re telling me!
 
Everyone leaves except House.  
 
House sits in his office chair, facing the back windows, chin propped on his cane. Wilson refusing to act homoerotically; an intentionally funny line in a bad!fic… What’s the world coming to? 
 
He’s caught up in his brooding and doesn’t bother to turn around when the door quietly opens.   With how things are going, it’s probably Chase wanting to say something intelligent or Foreman wanting to say something funny.
 
He startles just a bit when he feels lips pressing against his neck.
 
Wilson:  Had you going, didn’t I?
House:  Close the blinds.


deelaundry: (badfic all what?)

Cuddy's 4th of July swim party, Chapter 2.  Immaturity, horrible swimwear, and naked breasteses, how fun.

Warning:  My will to refrain from slashing was completely beaten down by the inanity of this fic.  Just letting you know.


deelaundry: (HL Pain)
Pulled this out of the Pit of Voles.  The kicker was the Summary:

This is the first in a series of Holiday Parties. This one is a 4th of July swim party. I swear after the first chapter it will be more entertaining.
 
Note to all new and prospective authors:  Do not advertise the sucking.


deelaundry: (HL Pain)
[livejournal.com profile] readthisshit did such a great job with Chapter 1 of the Evanescence song fic, I had to take a crack at Chapter 2. (It is my first MST; hope it's decent.)


No lyrics were harmed in the making of this fic )

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